37. "This & That: Quiet Ruminations & Discoveries"

Personal journal entry: 2/7/2006:

Somehow, somewhere, I lost Monday. Well, not Monday, per se, but certainly Monday's writing time -- esp. my "15 min./day" time. I didn't get sat down to write anything 'til about 3:30 a.m. this morning. It was weird.

"Do not worry.

You have always written before and you will write now.
All you have to do is write one true sentence.
Write the truest sentence that you know."
~ Ernest Hemingway

At first, I thought I might fudge and count what I wrote then as Monday's words, but saw the absurdity of that, as well as the dishonesty, and didn't do it. Thank goodness. Fudging just complicates life.

Later this morning, I wanted to check where I was at, wordcount-wise, and compare it to where I would be if I were "on schedule." In the process, I noticed that today is "the one-quarter of the way day" for FebNoWriMo'06 -- 50K/month. In other words, if I were up to speed and on schedule I'd be 25% of the way along with my wordcount -- 12.5 K. At 18% I am obviously not quite there, yet. But at least I'm not that far off -- just a couple days worth of words, I think. As long as I don't fall any further behind, I'm not going to worry about it, because I know I can make that up in one big push -- if I ever get my rear in gear.

So far, I'm just taking it as it comes -- going with the flow. Even though the flow doesn't seem to be moving all that fast, right now, it is moving. I'll have to decide whether or not making a big push is appropriate or will cause problems between me and my muses. As long as things are moving along, albeit slowly, I'm not sure I want to risk a muse strike. ;-) To say "counter- productive" would be an understatement, if that happened. So for now, I'm going to continue at this pace until I sense a genuine need to change.

It concerns me that I've not written/ posted a blog entry in months -- since November. I only made two posts that month and only three in October and just two in September. I seemed to drop the ball, writing-wise, last August. I did so well all during July -- with 22 consecutive blog entries posted -- then hit some kind of snag beginning in August. I don't recall exactly what it was. I have just a vague sense that I hit a major bump or dip (or both) in the road and quickly lost momentum.

Actually, now that I look at my list of blog posts, I see that I hit my first snag on July 30th and 31st. I struggled the next few months to get back into the flow of it, but with little success. It looks like I almost made a come back in mid-October, with three blogposts in a row, but without any staying power. November was ... well November was the excitement and business of NaNoWriMo'05. And while I had great plans and hopes for December and January, absolutely nothing happened during those months concerning my blogs -- or much of anything else, as far as writing goes. I esp. wanted to start up blog posting at the New Year, but I was on vacation at M&m's and it just didn't happen. Then I tho't Feb 1st would be a good time to restart -- but it's not happened, so evidently I've not put my commitment and determination there.

Why?

Off the top of my head, I'm thinking that it may have something to do with feeling like I can't be totally forthcoming in my blog -- at least not the way I want to be.

An idea just winged thru' my synapses -- that it may have something to do with my past life as Einhard. All of a sudden that makes every bit of sense and I feel relief and gentle light flowing through me.

Now to figure out exactly what the connection is. Off hand, I'm sure it has something to do with Einhard being forced to edit and even change his history of Charlemagne and his family to make C.'s son, King Louis the Pious, look good -- or loose his and his family's lives.

“I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today.
I am today what I established yesterday
or some previous day.”
~ James Joyce

This would be an appropriate time to start transcribing my taped "past life regression" from Jan 1st. Now where did I put my transcription recorder/ player -- somewhere very safe and logical, I'm sure. ;-P :raspberries:

I also want to find the old posts from the BIAW writing group, with suggestions about how to include all 33 lifetimes in Autobiography of a Dragon (AoD). Of course, I could always pull a teaser and write "six-word stories" about each lifetime. Not so certain that would be appreciated by some others -- esp. editors and publishers, but it is a fun thought. :lol:

I could turn this journal entry into a blogpost and pledge myself to doing a "21-day personal challenge" of blog posts for the rest of this month -- then another and another and another and so on. In fact, I think that's exactly what I will do.

“It's not that some people have willpower
and some don't.
It's that some people are ready to change
and others are not.”
~ James Gordon

But first, I must check to see if my batch of homemade split pea soup with wild rice is "soup", yet -- then eat, before my blood sugar takes a nosedive. Mmm ... some homemade corn muffins would be delicious with that -- if I'd thought to make some. Some German Dark Whole Wheat will do just fine, instead.

Take care, Y'all,
Write On!
~ Nanette

Edit: Yesterday, after writing this entry and committing to another "21-day blogging challenge," I was able to catch-up with my wordcount goal for FebNoWriMo'06 -- no sweat! WooT! :-D

Guess I sensed that "genuine need to change" I talked about earlier in this entry. ;-) ~ nyf, 2/9/06.

© Nanette Y. Francis, 2006. All Rights Reserved.