Dragon Scribe

38. "Tapping, Cooking & Writing: Everything Counts"

2006-02-10T20:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's blogpost was wa-a-a-y overdue -- since last November -- something that friends and family have faithfully brought to my attention. The process of writing it also helped me break through and catch up on my FebNo’06 wordcount. Please don’t take that to mean that I’m further ahead than any of you, because I count everything in my first drafts. It’s the only way my synapses work since the accident. I take everything I can come up with and toss it all into one big kettle. When the day comes that I think I have “enough,” I’ll cook it down, strain it, season it, see what I have, then go from there. Considering the hugeness of the project and the manner in which I have to come up with it all, I’ll likely be doing that for quite some time to come.

"I write all the time.
I count all writing as writing with a capital 'W',
even if it's just scribbling notes or writing e-mail.
There's a story in Magical Thinking, 'The Rat/Thing,'
that came, almost exactly, from an e-mail I wrote to a friend."
~ Augusten Burroughs

When I was a little girl, I loved to “help” my grandpa do things. One of the many things we did together was make maple syrup. I would follow him into the woods, from tree to tree, as he tapped his little drainage pipes into each one and I’d hang a coffee can with a wire handle on each little pipe. Of course, he didn’t take me to all of the hundreds of trees he tapped. I was way too young. But he would take me around to some of them, either to tap the trees or collect the sap. When he’d collected enough syrup he’d take it all to his syrup cooking shed back in the woods. One time he took me with him and I watched him pour gallons and gallons of sap into a huge, shallow, syrup-cooking pan the size of a large door and about six inches deep that he hung with chains over several wood fire stoves. It took hours to cook just one batch, but slowly the sap would cook down to a beautiful, golden, sweet syrup. As it cooked down, Grandpa would pour more sap into the pan, until all the sap from hundreds and hundreds of trees was in that shallow pan. I watched in awe as the syrup was slowly poured off -- through little spigots Grandpa had welded into the lower side of the pan -- into shiny, clean quart and pint jars, then packed into boxes. It was getting dark when Grandpa finally put out the fires, stacked the few boxes of precious syrup on his big handtruck, took my hand and slowly walked the mile or so back to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

It takes 45 quarts of maple sap to produce one quart of pure maple syrup. (I looked it up.) Each maple tree produces about one quart of maple sap each year -- which can only be harvested during March and April. Each tree must be at least 8 inches in diameter before it can be tapped, which makes it about 45 years old! Plus, I think I remember my grandparents talking about the trees needing to have a certain number of weeks in a row of hard freezes or they wouldn’t produce enough sap to make a good run in March and April.

The way Grandpa made maple syrup is how I have to write, since my head injury. So if I say that I have a wordcount of 12K, please know that it will boil down to a miniscule amount of useable material -- maybe 270 useable words (if I’m lucky). Right now my wordcount is about 16.7K. That'll probably work out to about 370 useable words -- when I finally get around to editing it. At that rate, I figure that I need to write about three or four million words to come up with my first full length novel! :lol: :-D

"Tactically speaking,
go ahead and crowd in the first draft
-- put everything in.
Then in revising decide what counts, what tells;
cut and recombine till what's left is what counts.
Leap boldly!"
~ Ursula LeGuin

Most of this blog -- especially the story about making syrup with Grandpa -- comes from an email I wrote to a friend early this morning. I'm also going to use it on the ‘PubYe forum. This is the first time I've written about that precious memory. I started writing the email at about 1:30 a.m. and finished writing at about 4:10 a.m. -- then spent another hour editing it -- and it wasn't much longer than this blogpost. When it takes that much time to get something useable, it’s good when it can be used more than once. Waste not want not. I do show my age, don’t I? :rolls eyes:

Take care, Y'all and ...
Write On!
~ Nanette

37. "This & That: Quiet Ruminations & Discoveries"

2006-02-09T02:02:00.000-08:00

Personal journal entry: 2/7/2006:

Somehow, somewhere, I lost Monday. Well, not Monday, per se, but certainly Monday's writing time -- esp. my "15 min./day" time. I didn't get sat down to write anything 'til about 3:30 a.m. this morning. It was weird.

"Do not worry.
You have always written before and you will write now.
All you have to do is write one true sentence.
Write the truest sentence that you know."
~ Ernest Hemingway

At first, I thought I might fudge and count what I wrote then as Monday's words, but saw the absurdity of that, as well as the dishonesty, and didn't do it. Thank goodness. Fudging just complicates life.

Later this morning, I wanted to check where I was at, wordcount-wise, and compare it to where I would be if I were "on schedule." In the process, I noticed that today is "the one-quarter of the way day" for FebNoWriMo'06 -- 50K/month. In other words, if I were up to speed and on schedule I'd be 25% of the way along with my wordcount -- 12.5 K. At 18% I am obviously not quite there, yet. But at least I'm not that far off -- just a couple days worth of words, I think. As long as I don't fall any further behind, I'm not going to worry about it, because I know I can make that up in one big push -- if I ever get my rear in gear.

So far, I'm just taking it as it comes -- going with the flow. Even though the flow doesn't seem to be moving all that fast, right now, it is moving. I'll have to decide whether or not making a big push is appropriate or will cause problems between me and my muses. As long as things are moving along, albeit slowly, I'm not sure I want to risk a muse strike. ;-) To say "counter- productive" would be an understatement, if that happened. So for now, I'm going to continue at this pace until I sense a genuine need to change.

It concerns me that I've not written/ posted a blog entry in months -- since November. I only made two posts that month and only three in October and just two in September. I seemed to drop the ball, writing-wise, last August. I did so well all during July -- with 22 consecutive blog entries posted -- then hit some kind of snag beginning in August. I don't recall exactly what it was. I have just a vague sense that I hit a major bump or dip (or both) in the road and quickly lost momentum.

Actually, now that I look at my list of blog posts, I see that I hit my first snag on July 30th and 31st. I struggled the next few months to get back into the flow of it, but with little success. It looks like I almost made a come back in mid-October, with three blogposts in a row, but without any staying power. November was ... well November was the excitement and business of NaNoWriMo'05. And while I had great plans and hopes for December and January, absolutely nothing happened during those months concerning my blogs -- or much of anything else, as far as writing goes. I esp. wanted to start up blog posting at the New Year, but I was on vacation at M&m's and it just didn't happen. Then I tho't Feb 1st would be a good time to restart -- but it's not happened, so evidently I've not put my commitment and determination there.

Why?

Off the top of my head, I'm thinking that it may have something to do with feeling like I can't be totally forthcoming in my blog -- at least not the way I want to be.

An idea just winged thru' my synapses -- that it may have something to do with my past life as Einhard. All of a sudden that makes every bit of sense and I feel relief and gentle light flowing through me.

Now to figure out exactly what the connection is. Off hand, I'm sure it has something to do with Einhard being forced to edit and even change his history of Charlemagne and his family to make C.'s son, King Louis the Pious, look good -- or loose his and his family's lives.

“I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today.
I am today what I established yesterday
or some previous day.”
~ James Joyce

This would be an appropriate time to start transcribing my taped "past life regression" from Jan 1st. Now where did I put my transcription recorder/ player -- somewhere very safe and logical, I'm sure. ;-P :raspberries:

I also want to find the old posts from the BIAW writing group, with suggestions about how to include all 33 lifetimes in Autobiography of a Dragon (AoD). Of course, I could always pull a teaser and write "six-word stories" about each lifetime. Not so certain that would be appreciated by some others -- esp. editors and publishers, but it is a fun thought. :lol:

I could turn this journal entry into a blogpost and pledge myself to doing a "21-day personal challenge" of blog posts for the rest of this month -- then another and another and another and so on. In fact, I think that's exactly what I will do.

“It's not that some people have willpower
and some don't.
It's that some people are ready to change
and others are not.”
~ James Gordon

But first, I must check to see if my batch of homemade split pea soup with wild rice is "soup", yet -- then eat, before my blood sugar takes a nosedive. Mmm ... some homemade corn muffins would be delicious with that -- if I'd thought to make some. Some German Dark Whole Wheat will do just fine, instead.

Take care, Y'all,
Write On!
~ Nanette

Edit: Yesterday, after writing this entry and committing to another "21-day blogging challenge," I was able to catch-up with my wordcount goal for FebNoWriMo'06 -- no sweat! WooT! :-D

Guess I sensed that "genuine need to change" I talked about earlier in this entry. ;-) ~ nyf, 2/9/06.

36. "Muses, Elves, Imps & Phoenix"

2005-11-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes one thing leads to another and we learn something about ourselves quite unexpectedly -- a serendipitous discovery -- and even have fun doing it. Until I wrote the following, responses to David Bridger's posts on the NaNoWriMo.org forum, I had no idea who or what my muse was.

~~~

David Bridger wrote (11/17):
"Hi, I'm just about keeping the daily stuff going,
but it's a hard grind.
I have a chronic illness called ME, or CFIDS, that hurts."

David, so sorry to hear you have ME/CFIDS. I’m familiar with the acronym CFIDS -- my doctors thought for a few years that was what I had (then changed their minds and opted for a diabetes/lupus combo, which has many of the same symptoms). But I’m not familiar with the ME acronym. So I looked it up on acronymfinder.com, which came up with several pages of uses for the ME acronym -- but didn’t see any of a medical nature. Then I saw what most certainly must be what you were referring to: “Muse Elf!” Confess now. That’s really what you suffer from -- right? :lol:

But all seriousness aside, KUDOS! to you for tap-tap-tapping “away and ignoring those little flags of surrender that muscles wave at ” when you type.

David Bridger wrote (11/20):
"ME stands for myalgic encephalomyelitis,
but I much prefer your "Muse Elf!" Thanks -
that's definitely what I have from now on. :lol:

...I've had a hellish week,
with bits of body falling apart painfully everywhere,
so I gave my elf the day off today.
No wordcount-worrying today, uh uh...."

So let me get this straight, David. You're saying that your "Muse Elf" does what you tell it? Hmmm ... interesting concept. I think mine tends to be more imp than elf.

Actually, I have two muses. The one who deals more one-on-one with me, these days, is a Phoenix named Ekki. He's come to my rescue more times than I can count, this year.

My health was giving me terrible fits this last weekend -- beginning in the wee hours of Friday A.M. I thought (my first mistake) that since my wordcount was doing so well, I should have no problem taking a break for at least a day (maybe two) and recoup a bit. Sounded good to me and I thought I would have an easy go of it explaining the matter to my muse -- and wouldn't he be ecstatic! (assumptions = second mistake) Those were very well thought out, logical reasonings to my mind; and Ekki seemed to take to the idea -- though I now know the meaning behind that impish smile he gave me as he skipped off to do whatever "muses on holiday" do these days. Me? I settled down to a relaxing day or two without deadlines, goals, worries or concerns -- I thought (more assumptions = third mistake).

I couldn't sleep, rest, relax -- too much of that "pain" that you mentioned, David. My meds didn't do more than keep the pain levels just below the "going over the edge" mark -- and, as per usual, nothing helped the TIA symptoms. All I could do was hang on through those and try to focus on the "not passing out" drill -- day-in-and-day-out -- all of Friday and Saturday. After finally getting some sleep on Sunday, I noticed Ekki out of the corner of my eye, sneak in, whisper something to a rabbit, who handed him some notepaper and took off. Ekki noticed me watching and quickly hid the paper behind his back -- and I could swear that I heard some drumming in the background, though I couldn't be absolutely sure, since Ekki was coughing.

"What's the paper for?" I asked.

"What paper?" But when I gave him my "I'm not buying it" look, he pulled the paper out, looked surprised and said, "Oh! You mean this paper? That old thing. It's nothing."

"What's on the paper, Ekki?"

"Just a list," he said and flashed it up for me to see then spirited it away into a hidden pocket.

But it was just enough time for me to see a long list of something or other with red check marks beside most of the the items. Suddenly I had the very sneaky suspicion that I'd been had -- by my muse and ...

"Was that the Energizer Bunny, you were talking to?"

Ekki shrugged and shuffled and wouldn't meet my eyes. That was good enough answer for me. "I've been had by my muse and the Energizer Bunny!" I said.

"I wouldn't call it that. We were just trying to help," he said. Hah! That confirmed it.

"Help?! Did you say help? You just about killed me!" I was getting really torqued-up.

"Aw, now ... don't you think that's exaggerating a bit over much? We were just giving you something to focus on to get you through the really hard spots. You know, so you wouldn't think about the pain and other problems as much. You gotta' admit that it did help. Didn't it?"

"Huh! If you were just helping why didn't you tell me what you were doing, instead of being sneaky?"

"It wouldn't've worked as well. You would've sabotaged it by thinking about it too much. This way you did it without thinking at all about what you were doing."

Well, I couldn't argue that point and started to calm down.

"Oh, by the way," Ekki said, trying real hard to look innocent, "have you figured up your new word count?"

"Huh? Nah. Couldn't be much. I was practically delirious half the time and out of my mind with exhaustion the other half. I don’t even remember what I wrote. I'll check it later -- maybe tomorrow," I said.

I checked my word count late Monday. Shock and disbelief wouldn't come close to describing my reaction. (If there's a word that expresses those emotions in the extreme, I can't think of it.) I rechecked the count three times. 40K in two days?!? I could've sworn I heard Ekki chuckling -- or was that a snicker -- in the background. I worked 22 hrs. Friday and 23.5 hrs. Saturday. A lot of it was written on my pda while laying in my recliner. After finally getting some sleep, Sunday, I put in 8.25 hrs., but did only 3.25K words. That's fine by me. I'm not ready to pull a two day marathon again -- ever, if I have anything to say about it.

Did you hear a snicker? ... a drum beating, maybe? ... crazy rabbit! ... darn it Ekki! -- Thanks. ;-)

Write On, Y'all!
~ Nanette

David Bridger's quotes come from: http://www.nanowrimo.org/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=22198&forum=171
(posts #: 17 & 21.)

35. "The Solitaire Experiment"

2005-11-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve been ill for awhile since my last post here -- and just didn’t have the extra “oomph” to do regular posting. But even though I’ve been under the weather, I have still been getting plenty of writing ideas, so I have lots of catching up to do!

First off, NaNoWriMo’05 started November 1st! This is my second year participating in NaNo -- writing 50K words in 30 days! -- an experience I wouldn’t miss and recommend to everyone. Even if you don’t reach the goal of writing 59 K, the experience of taking part in a common goal with thousands of writers spread around the world is indescribable. I can’t say enough about the positive energy created by 55,000+ human beings intent on sharing their goal(s). Even if you don’t think you want to take on that sort of goal for yourself, I recommend everyone with the slightest interest in reading/writing visit the NaNoWriMo.org website. It’s truly a positive learning experience -- a successful experiment in global cooperation and creativity.

Originally, I’d planned to write a further episode in the series of writings that I call Autobiography of a Dragon. But about a week before NaNo started, I realized that I wanted to do something completely different from what I'd been writing the last couple of years. It's an idea that's been percolating on my back burner for several months -- using a game of Solitaire, played with a Tarot deck, to plot/write a book.

I call it The Solitaire Experiment. So far it's turned out quite interesting -- a murder mystery that takes place during the time of Charlemagne (740 - 814). At this point it's as much a mystery to me as I hope it will be to future readers. If it's as interesting to read as it is to write, it just might make it to a publisher! Hey, it could happen! ;-)

Other writers have asked me what Tarot deck(s) I use for writing my book ...

I have a few Tarot decks that I use regularly -- Hudes, Haindl, Crowley-Thoth, Celtic Dragon, and a couple of others that I don’t use as much. But for writing The Solitaire Experiment I picked up a little deck (2”x 3”) of Hanson-Roberts Tarot, which Borders had on sale for about $7, including the book. It met my needs perfectly for a “writing tool deck”: small (so I could have bunches of cards on the table and still have room to work), relatively inconspicuous (if I took it out to a bookstore cafe or coffee shop, I didn’t want to attract a bunch of attention that would distract me from my writing/plotting), and easy to replace if anything happened to it when I was out and about (i.e. - not a lot of money involved). That doesn’t mean that I don’t use any of my other decks as writing tools; I just don’t take them out-and-about. For other kinds of readings I use the deck that seems to be most appropriate for the situation or energy at hand. The last couple of years that usually ends up being the Thoth or Dragon decks.

I got the idea about using the Solitaire game for plotting a book, while playing Solitaire over and over in quick succession on my pda. It’s so easy and almost mindless that I find it helps me go into almost a trance-type flow of consciousness -- a sort of meditation. As I relax and just let the game flow, the thoughts that are usually on my back burner start coming to the foreground and I come up with all sorts of surprising things, including cognitive leaps.

One of my natural strengths is to recognize patterns -- especially in three dimensions (it’s just the way I think/see things) -- so that’s going on in the back of my mind as my “back burner” thoughts come to the foreground. (Did that make sense? Hmmm...) Last March, during NaNoEdMo, I suddenly realized that I had been following the patterns of the last several Solitaire games as though they were someone’s lifetime(s). I thought that was kind of neat and continued doing it as an interesting aspect of the games -- until I noticed this idle observation, flitting through my head, that if Solitaire could show the patterns of someone’s life, it should be able to show the patterns of a story/book. Not long after that I decided that the Tarot would be able to add the interesting extra aspects that are missing from the regular deck of cards that we traditionally use to play Solitaire. Since then I’ve worked off and on -- mostly on my back burner -- figuring out how to incorporate the Major Arcana into the game, as well as how to track everything -- let alone what the patterns would symbolize in a person’s life/story. It’s not completely figured out, but enough of it is to allow me to start using it to write my NaNo project.

So, it is truly an experiment in progress -- and you know what they say about experiments ...

“There is no such thing as a failed experiment,
only experiments with unexpected outcomes!"
~ Richard Buckminster Fuller

... and of course ...

"Every first draft is perfect,
because all the first draft has to do is exist!
It's perfect in its existence.
The only way it could be imperfect
would be not to exist."
~ Jane Smiley

I love that!

Write On, Y’all!
~ Nanette

34. "The Butterfly Effect"

2005-10-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

The following was my journal entry for 10/9/2005:

Thousands -- perhaps tens of thousands -- of souls crossed-over when an magnitude 7.6 earthquake and numerous strong after-shocks hit Pakistan, yesterday. The last estimate I heard was that over 18,000 people were confirmed dead and perhaps more than 30K have died in Kashmir -- many of them children. One moment they were learning to read and write, and the next they were gone. I am certain their angels & guides were there to help them cross over and that they are all well, loved and cared for as they go through this time of adjustment. Many of their parents will have crossed over with them.

It's those who are left behind who are suffering and in need of our help, now. I watched as the first videos of the earthquake were shown on CNN, in the early morning hours here, yesterday. Every so often the camera would pan past a man squatting, balanced on a ledge of a collapsed apartment building, arm raised so his hand could support the still feet of a small child hanging in the rubble above his head. The look of quiet determination was in the set of his jaw, despite the glaze of shock and grief in his eyes. He would stay there 'til someone came to help him pry his little one's body from the wreckage. I doubt that I'll ever forget that image.

I was thinking about all that and comparing it, in some ways, to the catastrophes caused by the recent hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico and the tsunami in the Indian Ocean -- when I happened upon an interesting, but most unpleasant thought -- one of those cognative leaps I get now and then. I reached for the little baseball-sized globe on my desk and hoped I was wrong.

It's not a very accurate globe -- a gift made of semi-precious gem stones -- meant to be used as a paperweight. But the basic shapes of the continents are in their appropriate places, so I could make a fair guess-timate of the area hit hardest by the Pakistani quake.

I marked the spot with my index finger and turned the globe to do the same to the Gulf of Mexico, then held the globe out at arm's length. They didn't match.

What was I missing? (other than a few marbles)

I turned the globe to find the middle of the Indian Ocean, where the 7.15 magnitude sea-quake started the devestating tsunami that killed more than a quarter million people, last Christmas. Again, I marked the spot with my finger, turned the globe a quarter turn, placed my other index finger so it looked exactly opposite of the tsunami/quake area, then looked where my finger was positioned -- in the Gulf of Mexico. It was a straight line between my index fingers, positioned on opposite sides of the globe. OK. That was more like what I had expected.

Repeat. This time I positioned one index finger over Pakistan and the other opposite it, then looked. My finger was on top of the Mid-western US, around the middle of the Mississippi River -- right over the New Madrid Fault area. Hmmm ... .

I don't pretend that there's anything "scientific" in my little "hunch playing" here, as I used what few, imperfect tools I have at hand to try to see if there was anything to my cognitive leap. On the other hand, I don't believe in coincidences, either. My curious little "experiment" left me with more questions, than answers.

My thought was the sudden strong impression that the catastrophes on the far side of the globe were related in some way to the catastrophes on this side; that the energy used and released in the Indian Ocean was somehow related to -- perhaps even used -- to make Hurricane Katrina. Could the energy from the Pakistani quake be used to precipitate a quake in the Madrid Fault area?

Am I suggesting that whenever there's a catastrophe on one side of the Earth that there will always be an equal and correlating catastrophe on the opposite side of the globe? No. I strongly suspect there's a lot more to it than that -- that several conditions must be in effect at the same time for something like that to happen -- the kind of things that take years, lifetimes, centuries or even eons to be in a condition that would be affected by such energies.

I am suggesting that everything is connected in some way. Just as an earthquake causes energy waves to travel out on the horizontal and cause a tsunami, those same energy waves also travel down through the Earth, as well as all the other 360° of the compass. We know that energy is not destroyed as it moves and transfers through earth, air, water and fire. So where did all the devastatingly immense amount of energies go after the seaquake/tsunami? -- and after the recent Pakistani quake?

I believe that at least some of the energy from the Indian Ocean seaquake/tsunami may very well have affected or influenced aspects of Hurricane Katrina and maybe even Rita. I don’t think that the tsunami *caused* or was *responsible* for the hurricanes. I’m looking for patterns and seeking to understand what has happened -- to prepare, if possible, for what likely will happen if those patterns continue to repeat.

And the energy released by the Pakistani quake? I strongly suspect that we'll see much more by the the end of November.

In the meantime, we can put positive thoughts, actions and writing out there, learn from what's already happened, and be prepared.

Remember:

“The times, they be achanging... .”

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls a butterfly."
~ Richard Bach

Take care, Y'all,
Write On!
~ Nanette

33. "Friends Don’t Let Friends ..."

2005-10-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

I posted the following opinion on CNN.com in answer to the question, "What do you think needs to be done concerning rebuilding New Orleans?":

"Because of its location, New Orleans will be hit by another hurricane. If the people insist on living in that spot, then it must be made safe for human habitation. Fill in the 'bowl' in which the city is located and build the location up so it is the high ground -- with safety bunkers and tunnels underneath for all utility and emergency needs. Then build on top of that high ground with hurricane safe building codes and materials and drainage. If no one wants to live in a New Orleans like that, then turn it into a memorial park/greenway -- and tell the people to go find a place where they won't put their’s and thousands of emergency workers' lives in jeopardy, as well as their children's, and put our national debt in the toilet for the next several generations.

Sentimental value, history, tradition and memories are important -- but not more important than lost lives. How much loss is enough? -- before we finally call a halt to it? It does no one a kindness to allow them to continue as they have been -- especially when “as they have been” as been proven to be inadequate in front of the whole world. I’m a longtime believer in “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” I’m also a firm believer in “if your going to do something do it right -- the first time.” Well it’s too late for “the first time” -- that’s water under the bridge and over the levee. Now is the time to call for change before more are lost. Let’s do it right this time -- or not at all."

I am as certain that my opinion will offend -- if not outrage -- many people, as I am that my advise will not be followed. Many of the excuses will be those of the heart, for which I deeply empathize, but the actual reasons will be those of power and the pocket book. How much more heartbreak will be necessary before those who hold the purse strings finally "get it" or before we citizens make them get it.

Just as "friends don't let friends drive drunk," friends don't let friends stand in front of an oncoming train -- in fact, there are laws against it. Tell me. What's the difference between sitting in front of an oncoming train or an oncoming category four or five hurricane that's barreling at you? -- other than the fact that, these days, the hurricane usually gives us more time to run (unless you get caught in traffic). The results are the same. Dead is dead. Gone is gone.

Since I wrote the above opinion, the Army Corp of Engineers started rebuilding the broken levees in New Orleans -- to the strength they were *before* Hurricane Katrina. They said it would take an Act of Congress to get stronger levees built in New Orleans. I cringe whenever I hear the politicos talk about letting the people move back in there. I guess they think it makes them sound caring and supportive of the people. Where I come from that’s called a lot of things, including abuse or felonious neglect and grounds for loosing your rights. But smart, wise or responsible wouldn’t be on that list, let alone integrity. Huh. I guess no one thought about that or if they did, they’re betting they won’t get called on it -- betting with other people’s lives.

I also found a website written by energy professionals that know a lot more about New Orleans, the Mississippi River and the whole delta area than I do. For a well laid out, clearly explained article with maps click over to this site and find out why none of the rebuilding plans, including mine, will work for long -- if at all.

So, why am I posting such an entry in my blog? Because it’s a subject very much on my heart and mind and until I post it I can’t “let it go.” I wrote awhile back about writers taking the opportunity to be as positive an influence as possible. Sometimes, part of uplifting is presenting truths that are difficult to hear, because they require us to change and adjust our comfort zones to accommodate those changes. It’s part of growing up and taking care of our loved ones and neighbors. I believe that writers can help lead the way for our culture to realize, accept and do just that. Through our articles, essays and stories we can show and even lead the way, so that it's not quite so hard to do.

Take care, Y'all,
Write On!
~ Nanette

32. "Of Bath Mice, Dust Bunnies & Plot Ninjas"

2005-10-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

The bath mouse was gone. I'd turned my back just long enough to rinse my hair one last time -- couldn't have been more than a minute. Where did it go?

I looked around the tub and in the soapy water pooled at my feet. I felt around with my toes where I couldn't see under the suds near the drain. Ah, something was there -- small and furry.

Covering it with my toes, I pinned it to the floor of the tub and gently scootched it around, toward the back of the tub. These things must be handled quickly and carefully -- or they'll get away. Now, the tricky part -- I lifted my toes, then reached down and grabbed the little thing just as it started to float away. Got it! Water streamed off the mouse as I tossed it onto the side of the tub. Hmmm ... it wasn't the missing mouse -- too small.

As I stood up to finish rinsing, a black and white paw reached around the curtain -- and swiped that mouse, slick as you please!

Sylvester!

I peeked around the shower curtain to find the little culprit playing hockey, on the bathroom floor, with two bath mice!

Hah! Mouse-napper.

When he wasn’t looking, I hid the bath mice in the wastebasket -- for which I swear I heard a sigh of relief. At least they could relax in peace and not be batted about like pucks.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Sylvester was at it again. Only this time I swear he was playing rugby with the dust bunnies under the bed’s headboard. Well, at least he wasn’t pulling them out into the middle of the floor, like the mess he makes when he catches the ones that hide under the kitchen stove.

I shuffled into the den, where I thought I’d have some peace and quiet and be able to write. It was not to be. I sat down, proceeded to get online, to check my email for anything that just couldn’t wait ‘til after I’d written awhile -- only to find that the plot ninjas had somehow been contacted by the dust bunnies and bath mice. A class action suit was being threatened if I didn’t do something about “Sylvester the Bully”.

The plot ninjas were up in arms because Sylvester, a very powerful psychic feline, was interfering with their work, which they firmly reminded me was “our” work -- writing. Sylvester was putting out such strong negative interference that they couldn’t get through to me, nor me to them, most of the time.

As a result, I was unable to think clearly or even attend to a thought for more than a moment at a time before I’d loose track of it; and I was getting sick more often and for longer -- including TIA attacks; my imagination and motivation were failing and my writing languished. The plight of the bath mice and dust bunnies were just an outward sign -- a symptom, they said -- of what was happening on a larger and more important scale inside me. They reminded me that I wasn’t the only one being affected by Sylvester’s negative energy. Something had to be done, they insisted, before the situation worsened irreparably.

“Sylvester the Bully” had come to us as with the temperament of a little “Sweetheart and Gentleman”. But he had changed into a Bully, to the point where “Sylvester the Terrible” or “Sylvester the Monster” were more appropriate names. Not only was he harming us, he was overwhelming Samantha, our feline queen, who is prone to seizures.

A change had to be made -- for the greater good.

Today Sylvester moved on to a place where he could be the only cat in the family and hopefully get the love and attention he needs, without doing harm. God speed, Sylvester -- go with our love, blessings and best wishes. Thank you for being our companion, if even for a short time. Your gentle self will be greatly missed. May your new home and family be all you hoped for.

31. "A Writer’s Freedom"

2005-09-20T04:53:00.000-07:00

"As a writer you are free.
You are about the freest person that ever was.
Your freedom is what you have bought
with your solitude, your loneliness."
~Ursula K. Le Guin.

There are some things I’ve learned to leave alone and allow others to deal with -- not because they don’t concern me, but because those particular subjects get me all torqued up and I don’t have the energy and health that I used to and must choose carefully what I invest myself in, these days.

One of the subjects that I’ve learned to leave for others is religion. I no longer allow myself to be sucked into "discussions" about religion -- especially anything to do with "-isms": e.g. - creationism, fundamentalism, evolutionism, agnosticism, atheism, socialism, fascism, bushism, etc.. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my own beliefs. I most definitely do, and used to be quite the activist. It just means that I no longer have a need to argue with anyone about them. I have better things to do with what little time and energy I have left.

I do make an exception, however, when I see someone being harmed by others’ "-isms". I especially take exception to someone fearing to "upset" believers in one of the "-isms" to the point that they are afraid they’ll get in trouble with them for writing about a particular subject -- whether it be fiction or non. I’m very big on the freedoms of speech, so all the "-isms" can express themselves, not just one. That "liberty and justice for all," part of the American flag pledge, means "all" -- not: "all those who talk, act and smell like I do." The following is a case in point.

A writer posted a question on the nanowrimo.org forums, asking for help. He was writing a novel in which the main character (MC) "dies and is judged, then is sent back to Earth to live his life over." His concern was two-fold. First, he needed info about Reincarnation -- and more specifically, Reincarnation and Christianity, because the MC was a Christian. Second, he asked if writing about Reincarnation would upset Christians too much. There was a definite tone of genuine fear in the post.

It was that second concern that instantly galvanized me to write a post that would answer his question about Reincarnation and, more importantly, empower him to write from his heart what he felt he should, without fear of reprisals of any kind -- from anyone.

I studied Bible/Theology and Church History for four + years, but wasn’t taught much of anything about Reincarnation -- except that "we don’t believe in that". Most Christian schools and churches really don't have much to say about it, so they conveniently skip over it. After I got out of Bible college I started studying on my own. This is what I found out in my own research over the last few decades:

Reincarnation was a commonly held concept of the early Jews. I already knew that Jesus and most of his early followers were Jews and they practiced what we now call Judaism in the Jewish Temple and synagogues. My research told me that many scholars now believe that not much was said about Reincarnation in either the Old or New Testaments, because it was so commonly held for so long by so many different peoples and belief systems, even before Judaism, that it wasn't thought necessary to discuss it. It just wasn't a issue for them.

So, Reincarnation became a natural part of the early Christians' belief system and practice along with many other things, like worshiping on Saturday, making live sacrifices in the Temple, eating only what are now called Kosher foods, circumcision of all males, head coverings, etc., etc., etc.. As the years passed, many of those practices were dropped or altered, for one reason or another -- often with a lot of heated debate. But not so with Reincarnation. Again, it wasn't an issue.

That is, Reincarnation wasn’t an issue until the mid-sixth century A.D. -- about 550 years after the beginning of the Christian Church -- when it was "banned" by the 5th Ecumenical Council in 553, which was manipulated by Emperor Justinius into banning the teachings of the church father Origen (185-253), who had spoken out in unmistakable terms on the question of the repeated incarnations of the soul:

"Each soul enters the world strengthened by the victories or weakened by the defects of its past lives. Its place in this world is determined by past virtues and shortcomings."~De Principalis

"Is it not more in accordance with common sense that every soul, for reasons unknown -- I speak in accordance with the opinions of Pythagoras, Plato and Empedokles -- enters the body influenced by its past deeds? The soul has a body at its disposal for a certain period of time which, due to its changeable condition, eventually is no longer suitable for the soul, whereupon it changes that body for another." ~ Contra Celsum

In other words, Reincarnation didn’t become an issue until it became politically expedient. The Council was used by the Emperor to curtail the Pope’s powers and to pronounce a ban on the teachings of Origen, which happened to include Reincarnation. For some reason the Emperor really had it in for old Origen.

What astounds me is this. Even though only about five people were present for the council meeting -- not even the Pope was present -- the church accepted the ban and let it pass into established doctrine where it has remained for more than 1500 years! This makes the idea extremely difficult to correct, now -- especially since they first have to admit that they made a mistake. (Oops!) Since that's not likely to happen, any time soon, the subject of Reincarnation has played no role in modern Christian doctrine, in contrast with other world religions, except to say, "We don’t believe that." But they don’t know why! Most of them don’t know that the original Christians believed in Reincarnation for over 500 years -- let alone why the church all of a sudden nixed it.

I read somewhere that the Council banned Reincarnation because they wanted to discourage people from suiciding so they could come back and start over and maybe have a better life. Later, I read somewhere else that, that was just a "cover story", an excuse; that they actually didn't like the idea that they themselves might come back as a peasant or [gasp!] a woman and loose all their money and power. So they banned it. Maybe their motivations had to do with those reasons -- I don't know. I wasn't there. But I'll bet that the reason the ban was allowed to become and remain doctrine for a millennium and a half had more to do with politics, power and control over the parishioners and their valuables, than anything truly spiritual. (Ask me if I've gotten cynical in my old age.)

My point is this: Reincarnation is neither Christian nor non-Christian -- though some (not all) Christians are the only ones who seem to take issue with it these days (thanks to Emperor Justinius and the 5th Council). I consider it to be like gravity -- it's just the way things work. "Banning" it doesn't make it "not so". And life sure is a whole lot more interesting and hopeful with it.

So, if you want your novel’s MC to Reincarnate -- I say, have at it! The only people you're going to offend are those who don't know their church history; which, granted, is a lot -- but, hey, it's time they learned the facts, let it go, and moved on to something really important to get upset about, like ... well, you name it -- world hunger, child abuse, domestic violence, freedom of speech, and loving our neighbor as our selves.

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!

30. "Love Casts Out Fear"

2005-09-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

"Something evil this way comes."
~ Shakespeare.

I really was minding my own business, honest! -- playing an almost mindless game of Solitaire on my pda, while taking care of "a call of nature". About a minute into the game, my attention was grabbed by a dark, cold chill traveling at light speed from my gut, up my spine, into my shoulders, neck and head -- then it settled behind my eyes and in my jaw. You know the feeling -- the one that stops your heart and lungs in mid-beat and -breath and freezes all your synapses in mid-firing, except one: that one that's programmed to acknowledge fear. It was firing away in crisis mode -- sending out 9-1-1 calls to all concerned parties, which was "everyone" in this here body, from my autonomic systems to my suddenly very alert voluntary systems. A lot of things in this old bod' don't work well, or at all, any more -- but evidently my emergency alarm systems are still quite functional.

What the heck set that off? I wondered.

Over the years, I've learned to check what I was thinking and doing, at the time, before looking any further for clues and explanations for such feelings. At the time I went into alarm mode, I was on auto-pilot -- both physically and mentally -- so I didn't bother checking what I had been thinking about or doing. Those two were pretty obvious -- nothing, and next to nothing. So I immediately looked at the cards displayed on my pda's screen -- paying close attention to the numbers and suits showing -- looking for patterns or some other clue to explain my extreme alarm.

There it was. "6-6-6". I had trouble keeping the hairs on the back of my neck from raising, not wanting a repeat performance of my previous "alarm". Besides, that kind of response to those particular numbers is a knee-jerk reaction. I reminded myself that triple-sixes don’t always mean something negative. In fact, it was possible that it didn't mean a thing. (I said "possible", not probable.) My gut listened politely to my head, gave it due consideration and decided that it was more into probabilities than possibilities right then. While not launching anything other than adrenaline, it remained at full fight-or-flight readiness. In all fairness to my gut, past experience has taught me that the triple repetition of that particular number usually symbolized that a major negative influence with malicious intent was nearby. My gut had absolutely no problem with me keeping an open mind, as long as my shields were up and the rest of me was in battle readiness mode.

The only other significant bit of my circumstance to consider, at that time, was Hurricane Katrina. What used to be Katrina's eye was directly over my head. She had reduced intensity to being a dangerous tropical storm, by the time she arrived in the Nashville area, but she was still very organized and full of lots of rip and snort, as she continued to blow and drop buckets of water outside.

This whole experience took only a few seconds -- a split second for me to go into sudden alarm mode, with the whole chills-up-the-spine bit; another second for me to recognize the "6-6-6" pattern in the Solitaire game; and another split second to be almost overwhelmed by sensing a dark cloud of malicious intent, taking evil glee in causing extreme harm, death and destruction, and spinning up the same in others as it moved along. I felt its fascination with the spectacle of death, destruction and pain that it was causing -- like a kid pulling the wings off of a butterfly just to see what it would do, and taking a sickening joy in watching it squirm and struggle in pain until it finally died a most cruel death. I sensed all that in the flash of a split second -- in the blink of an eye. Being a strong empath can have its occasional perks. This definitely was not one of them.

It didn't take a college grad -- let alone a psychic -- to figure out the connection between my "fear alarm", the triple-six, and my empathing the incoming evil emotions. But I'd also learned over the years to verify my first impressions before I jump to any conclusions.

The only way I know to test and/or verify such things is to question my Guides. The only way I, personally, have of doing that is to channel a Q&A between us, while using two Runes -- Sigel and Is -- much like the Levite priests of old did with the two stones called Urim and Thummim. Of course, the results of such a channeling session or "reading" is only as good as the questions asked and who they are asked of. I take seriously the Biblical maxim, "test the spirits to see whether they are of God," and would never go public with anything from a reading that I had not confirmed. One of the reasons I waited so long to post this was to verify and re-verify its validity and veracity.

The mechanics of doing such a reading is a subject for another post (if you're interested). For now, suffice it to say that after asking over 40 carefully worded questions and checking and re-checking the identity, veracity and intentions of the guides & messengers who answered my questions and the viability of those answers, each step of the way, the reading could be summarized as follows:

The cold chill that I experienced, along with the "6-6-6" pattern in the Solitaire game were warnings concerning a "negative influence" associated with Hurricane Katrina. In fact, not only was there a negative influence, but a whole "cohort" of "negative influences" or "negative entities" -- a cohort of 2.5 K entities! That cohort was responsible for Katrina’s direction and strength. It was also responsible for the feelings I empathed, during the storm, that "fascination with the spectacle of death, destruction and pain" that was being inflicted by Hurricane Katrina. But that was not their sole motivation, though I get the sense that they were the type of entities that do what they do just because they can. They need no other motivation. This time, they were intent upon creating a diversion big and horrible enough to distract us all from GWB's War against Iraq, as well as his continued incursions upon this country’s civil rights and the general well-being of the world, for that matter.

My guides/messengers confirmed that Hurricane Katrina was comparable to the tsunami in the Indian Ocean, which the cohort was responsible for, also. The cohort tried to make Hurricane Katrina as damaging as the tsunami and will try again this year to inflict more harm under the guise of "a natural disaster". The death toll from Hurricane Katrina will rise above 15K.

Remember, this reading was done just a day and a half after Katrina hit the Gulf states -- long before anyone announced any kind of death toll stats. Heck, it's been two weeks since Katrina left Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama tattered, torn and trembling in shock. We still haven't been told the real death toll. I don't know if the general public will ever know for sure.

There was more to the reading, but that's enough to give you a good idea of its main points. Was any of it really surprising? Not now, two weeks later. For me, the most important piece of information in the reading was that, while Hurricane Katrina was "a natural disaster", it was not an act of God. In fact, it was the opposite. It was a natural phenomena that was co-opted and manipulated by entities of a distinctively negative bent, to do far more harm than that storm probably would have -- if it had been left to meander around on its own. I was also disturbed to find out that those same negative entities were responsible for the Indian Ocean tsunami, as well as planning to make a “superstorm” that would create even more destruction and chaos.

The positive thing was that my guides emphasized that this negative activity can be ameliorated, if not stopped, by putting as much positive energy out there, as possible. Of course, the most positive energy in the universe is Love -- especially the unconditional kind.

What more can I say? -- except that as writers we have the ability and opportunity to put more than the average amount of positive energy out there and reach further than most people usually can. When you think about it, we're able to send out waves of positve energy all over the world, with just one blog post, or book or article. If 51% of us did that, we would have enough positive energy to offset any tsunami or hurricane. It's definitely worth considering -- and costs us nothing to do it.

Take care, Y'all!
Love and Light,
~ Nanette

29. "Timing Is Everything" - Part 2

2005-08-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

"The time to begin writing an article is
when you have finished it to your satisfaction.
By that time you begin to clearly and logically
perceive what it is that you really want to say."
~ Mark Twain

What I've been meaning to say, for over three weeks, now, is that I've lost my momentum -- and not just in my writing. To be quite frank, both my muse and I are constipated.

Momentum is a curious entity. It -- and the lack of it -- are quite contagious, giving it both positive and negative qualities. :lol: Sounds very human, doesn't it? Hmmm... a "human" aspect of the universe ... or a universal aspect of ... . Hmmm ... I was going to say "humans", but I think "just about everything" would be more accurate. See, there I go -- off on a tangent, again. Have to watch that. Tangents, while sometimes fascinating (at least to me) can mess with my momentum.

Momentum is "a timing thing". It both affects and is affected by timing. And I pretty much blew mine out of the water by not keeping up my writing when nanopubye.org's server was hacked.

My basic idea, at the time, was a good one -- simply continue my writing on another blog site. But then I went off on a tangent. I got it into my head that I needed to take all the blog entries I'd posted on nanopubye.org and post them on blogger.com, first. My two non-writing days, when the nanopubye site first went down, was bad enough -- but recoverable, because I still had some momentum left and could have recouped those two lost days and kept going without too much of a problem -- if ... if I'd hunkered down and "stuck to business". But I allowed myself to be sidetracked.

I allowed myself to be sidetracked by my fear that if I immediately started posting new blog entries on the new site -- my posts end up out of order when I got around to posting the old entries afterward. So, I got it into my head that I had to transfer the previous posts first. I worked three days on getting my old material "just right" on the new blog site -- using my writing momentum/energy to redo what had already been done elsewhere, instead of making writing progress. It was the equivalent of stopping to edit the first draft of a book before it’s even a quarter written -- a sure-fire recipe for disaster, especially for someone who loves to edit and evidently doesn’t know when to stop. [:rolls eyes:, :big sigh:]

With the dying remains of the little momentum I had left after all that, I managed to write and post one blog entry** on the new site after getting all the old stuff "just so". That was it. That’s all she wrote for the last 21 days.

In the meantime, NaNoPubYe.org revived and I started several times to write another blog entry for either or both sites, but just couldn’t seem to pull it off. My mind was full of the chaos of unfinished thoughts and the confusion of contradictory emotions. To say I was not centered or grounded would be a gross understatement. I think it was Nietzsche who said:

"You need chaos in your soul
to give birth to a dancing star."

. . . but it takes time . . . and energy . . . to get the momentum going, even if only for a blog post. It is written that the universe -- let alone the stars -- was created with a word. Well, I’m not God, so it takes me quite a few words to create just a blog post. Writing begets more writing -- words beget more words . . . until a momentum is created that can sustain itself.

"Restlessness and discontent
are the first necessities of progress."
~ Thomas A. Edison

I was discontent with the post I wrote on August 8th. It was "OK" as far as it went, but reading it later made me feel unsettled -- as though I had not said what I meant to say, but couldn’t, for the life of me, put my finger on exactly what that was, for sure. Several times in the last 21 days, I would sense that I had a piece of it, see its shadow, feel its presence somewhere close on the edges of my mind; and I would begin to write a new post that would say what I had really meant to say, but hadn’t. Nothing came of those writings. Each one petered out like the one before it -- leaving me as confused and frustrated as I was when I started, if not more.

I didn’t begin to make progress with it until I wrote a personal journal entry about it. The fog in my brain cleared soon after beginning the entry and I was able to write, quite simply, what I’d really meant (and needed) to say in the August 8th blog post. It wasn’t much. Just that: the momentum I had built up by writing blog entries for twelve consecutive days (7/14 to 7/29) was not enough to sustain a five-day time lapse -- a day or two, yes, but not five days. Not yet.

For most of us, it takes 21 days of practicing something before it becomes a habit -- a bona fide part of our lives. That’s reality of living as a human being on planet Earth. I disrespected that and lost much of what I’d worked so hard to gain. In my case it was 12 steps forward and 21 steps back.

It wasn’t a complete loss, though. In the process of trying to slog through my personal fog, these last three weeks, I was reminded of something else I knew, but had also disregarded. All my life I’ve thought best on paper (or in pixels on the computer screen). This has been even more important since my brain injury, which often makes me confused and lost in and amongst my own synapses. Some time ago, I was advised to write in my personal journal before writing each blog post. But I didn’t want to take the time.

Writing a blog post often takes me several hours. I am a slow thinker/writer. I figured that if I journaled before each blog, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else! So, in the interest of saving time, I didn’t follow the advise of my guides. I know now that if I had done what I was supposed to do, I wouldn’t have "wasted" the last 21 days. Am I journaling first now? You betcha’! I can’t afford another 21-day lesson like this one.

So, with the writing/posting of this blog entry, neither my muse or I are constipated, thank heavens. It was a very uncomfortable three weeks. I have again committed myself to a new 21-day challenge of writing daily blog posts, only this time I’m also committing myself to journaling before I write the blog.

"Draw, Antonio, draw, Antonio,
draw and do not waste time."
~ Michelangelo

Write, Nanette, write, Nanette,
write and do not waste time!

Take care, Y'all, and… Write On!
~ Nanette

* 28a. The "a" signifies that this is an "alternate" post -- different than the one posted earlier (8/08).

28. "Timing Is Everything"

2005-08-08T04:53:00.000-07:00

The last three days, I've been transferring my blog posts here, from my NaNoPubYe.org blogsite. Thank heavens I didn't have any more than 27 posts to move, because what I did not know was how persnickety and capricious the html formatting was going to be for me.

I've heard people grouse and cuss about html before, but I'd never used it. Well, I am no longer an "html virgin". Considering that I started this project in the middle of Mercury Retrograde, I think I did alright. There are some things I'd like to learn to do, so I could tweak this layout a little bit, here and there, but nothing major -- and definitely nothing necessary. Blogger.com seems to have all the necessities of a "blog home" -- at least for now, and likely for quite some time.

I opened this blog account quite awhile ago -- last December, I think -- but at the time, wasn't sure what I should do with it. Since then, I started four blogs at other sites -- LivingJournal.com, Hobgoblin.org, FilthyPikers.com, and NaNoPubYe.org. The last one, finally worked for me -- the "write" combination of ambiance, fellow writers (which are part of the ambiance), ease of use (especially for me), and a sense of relative safety. The blogsite there is public, but fairly quiet, with low traffic volume, in comparison to some other sites. Most important was the timing.

They say, "Timing is everything." It's usually an exaggeration to make a point -- in this case a serendipitous point. I had finally progressed far enough (again) in my writing, thinking, confidence and discipline to write in a public venue, again. And I definitely had something to say/ share. All of that came together and gelled. I finally hit my stride. For the first time since my brain injury in 2000 (see: post #1, ¶7), I was able to consistently get into my writing zone and voice -- at will and daily -- even when I was having a rough day health-wise.

Lately, I started thinking that I might need to move to a larger blogging site. NaNoPubYe.org has only about five or six blogs and only two of them are active, including mine. It's sort of a beta testing situation. NaNoPubYe.org, is a writers' forum and I felt constrained to be careful concerning writing about certain off-beat subjects. I didn't want my subject matter and beliefs to negatively impact the way the other writers related to me on the forums. On one hand, I yearned to totally be myself in my blog writing -- which meant dropping all masks and facades. On the other hand, I feared being judged and ostracized by the little writing community, there. It had already happened twice before, elsewhere, and I wanted to avoid a repeat.

A turning point came when a few close, personal friends started to read and get involved with my blog at 'PubYe, in the last couple of weeks. That helped me conjure-up the courage to write the last blog post I did there (#27) -- about reading Tarot cards. For me, that was a major break-through and quite freeing. You'd have to know my background and how I was raised and educated -- as well as my temperament -- to understand why that was such a big deal for me. But that's a subject for another post. (See post #3, for a brief idea of what I'm talking about.) Suffice it to say, I felt I was "coming out of the Tarot closet." It was scary as hell and quite a relief.

Well, "Tarot closets" are just the beginning of a long list of personal revelations I need to write about. I was more and more convinced that it would be better to do it on a larger blogsite. Beginning of last week, I began thinking of transferring my blog posts over here to blogger.com -- soon. When I say "soon" - I was thinking of sometime in the next couple of weeks or so, maybe by the end of August. Within 24-hours of seriously starting to think that way, the whole NaNoPubYe.org website went down.

Somebody hacked into their servers! Aaargh! The site administrator, Lilywhite, answered my email, saying, "Someone hacked my server. I have to keep all the boards disabled until I can bring them up one by one and examine all the files for the hole." That was late last week and the 'PubYe.org boards are still down. By the time I received her note, I hadn't been able to get to my blog for a couple of days. I was concerned that I would loose the "blog writting momentum" that I had worked so hard to build.

Within another 24 hours, it became obvious to me that I needed to transfer my blog posts to this site -- quickly, so I could start blogging again. Fortunately, I had saved backup copies and rough drafts of my 'PubYe blog posts. So it was just a matter of gluing my rear to the chair and slowly plowing through it -- html and all -- with the idea of getting it done by beginning of this week. I wanted to be able to write my next blog entry by Monday -- and hopefully not loose my blog writing momentum.

That's what this is -- my first bona fide blog post on blogger.com. Writing it helped me get my blogging feet wet again and get a feel for this totally different part of the internet ocean -- different water temp, depths, sands, winds and currents . . . and lots of new and interesting fishes in the sea. ;-)

Hmmm . . . we could call it "Dragon Shoals" or . . . well, hey . . . we have plenty of time to come up with a good name.

Come on in! The water's fine. :-)

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

27. "Once More Unto the Breach, My Friends!"

2005-08-03T15:03:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"Tap into what you don't want to say.
Tap into that secret place,
despite the agony, despite the personal pain,
over and above the fatigue."
~ Arthur Penn

I've been afraid to write this particular blog post for a month. No matter how I labeled it -- avoidance, resistance, blockage, procrastination, self-sabotage -- my basic feeling was FEAR. Actually, I had this post halfway written last week, but lost it in a computer SNAFU. I'd worked up my courage -- kind of -- and was busy slip-sliding around my subject with great dexterity, and was just about to sidle up to it, poke it and run when Internet Explorer got funky and my laptop froze. Whew! That was close -- I mean, of all the !@#$%! luck!

So-o-o-o, here I am again, I searched high and low and finally found where my ba*ls were hiding under the bed -- behind our biggest, most hunky, dust bunnies. And we had a little talk that went something like this:

What's the worst that could happen?
Uh, people will judge me and say I'm bad?
Why?
Because they don't agree with me.
And how many people agree with me now? Two ... maybe?
Just two!?
Yeah, well there's two of us and you ...
That makes three that agree with me.
No, cause you don't always agree with yourself the next day and sometimes you can't find us! So you're saying that if I'm afraid that no one will agree with me, then I really don't have anything to be afraid of because no one agrees with me already. So I don't have anything to loose.
Well, I wouldn't put it that way. It sounds pretty harsh, but ... yeah. That's about right.

Folks, welcome to my world.

One month ago today, I wrote a post (#5) about an unusual horoscope that I receive about solving a riddle. I thought it was interesting and shared it with you all, but didn't have a clue what it meant. So you don't have to waste time finding it, I'll reprint it here:

"You are the protagonist in your own version of the "Da Vinci Code," except it's been rewritten into an emotionally intense soap opera. Although you must be intellectually savvy in order to get to the bottom of the riddle, the solution won't come with words. Make use of your high emotional IQ and trust your intuition. Discover the answers not with your head, but within your heart."

I said in the post that I'd get back to you all when I solved the riddle. Problem was that I didn't know what the riddle was to begin with. So, I was working with an unknown. Maybe some math genius could come up with something out of nothing, but mind doesn't cook that way. I can do cognitive leaps, Freudian slips, and conjugal visits, but math tricks are not in my repertoire. One of my tools in that "cognitive leap" category is a Tarot deck. It helps my cognition to leap from one synapse to another that it might not ordinarily go to -- sort of off the beaten path.

Obviously, the horoscope was off the beaten path and the riddle it referred to was even further off into the boonies. To access it I needed a cognitive leap tool. I have a several of those -- Runes, playing Solitaire, I Ching, meditation, free association writing, dreaming, taking a long walk in the Smokey Mountains, shootin' the breeze with one of my best friends, sitting on the commode, and Tarot.

The Tarot tool is used with different techniques, some of which are called layouts or spreads -- which are basically like questionnaires that you fill out with the help of the Tarot cards. My favorite and most often used questionnaire is my "Conflict-Resolution Spread", which has seven basic questions:

1.) What am I already aware of that I need to consider in this situation?
2.) What am I not aware of in this situation?
3.) & 4.) What two things are in conflict or blocking my progress in this situation?
5.) As of this moment, what is the resolution or best advice concerning this conflict?
6.) What would be the most likely outcome if I do not follow this advice? and
7.) What is the most likely outcome if I do follow this advice?

Right away, by using the Tarot, I'm meeting the criterion set out in the horoscope, when it said, "the solution won't come with words. Make use of your high emotional IQ and trust your intuition. Discover the answers not with your head, but within your heart." The Tarot uses pictures, symbols, and archetypal imagery to stir the cognitive stew in our heads, as well as our emotions. It uses of the collective consciousness, as well as our gut-level reactions to intercultural myths, fairy tales and stories. Some people call it magic, because they don't understand it and can't explain it, and it makes them uncomfortable.

So, now I have seven picture cards to use to figure out what the riddle is, what it means, and what it's answer is. The answer to the first question was easy. I got the Hierophant card reversed, which is saying that I'm often unconventional and show a disregard for the rules. Hmmm...well, I suspect that on several levels that is exactly correct. But we knew that already.

What am I not aware of? The second card, the Nine of Rods*, suggests that I'm taking stalk of my past experiences and present situation, regarding my commitment to a particular project -- in my case, I believe it refers to my commitment to writing this blog. It also means that the situation is going to get more difficult for me before it gets better, but that I'm prepared and able. It's a sort of "eye of the storm" sort of card.

What two things are causing conflict and blocking my progress in this writing project? The third and fourth cards are the Knight of Rods and the Four of Pentacles reversed. On the one hand, this describes me as pursuing my dreams and goals of writing with passion and enthusiasm, while still needing to develop my self-discipline. On the other hand, there are going to be delays because of my need to establish strong, long lasting foundations in my writing now, to support the structure of my future writing.

The fifth card, The Fool reversed, represents the Advice for Resolving the Conflict. The Fool is one of those archetypes I referred to earlier and is indelibly imprinted into the motherboard of each and every one of us. It's usually a high-energy card, except that this time it's reversed, so that means that my energy is low. Couldn't be more right about that. I've been sick for the last week or so. It also means that I would very much like to conform to the status quo on some issue, instead of living it in the moment and in my own way, which was the reason for all my fear, worry and angst about writing this post. It means that, if I want to move on -- which of course I do -- I'm going to have to transcend this problem I've made for myself with my out of balance viewpoint and state of mind. I am aware that success is an ongoing process of having the right mental outlook -- it's a state of mind. It also doesn't take near as much work as I make it, because of worrying and fearing unnecessarily. Life is hard enough without borrowing more sh*t to carry around. The trick is to keep a balanced state of being as well as a balanced state of mind. It takes effort and concentration, but it's worth it. These things I know. I just have to get back to doing them.

So what if I don't? The sixth card, the Five of Rods reversed, suggests that if I don't correct my attitude, etc., the situation will become even more complicated. If I think decisions have been difficult to make up 'til now -- hah! just wait -- I "ain't seen nothin', yet." It's just going to keep getting worse if I don't adjust my viewpoint, attitude, and way of being.

And finally, the seventh card, the Ace of Pentacles reversed, suggests to me the most likely outcome if I do follow the advice. My life will be full and the effects of fulfilling my goals will somehow be passed to and help others.

That's cool. I couldn't ask for anything more.

"Close the door.
Write with no one looking over your shoulder.
Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you;
figure out what you have to say.
It's the one and only thing you have to offer."
~ Barbara Kingsolver

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Take care, y'all and...Write On!
~ Nanette

* For this reading I used: the Hanson-Roberts Tarot Deck, and The Essential Book of Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts, (ISBN: 0880882387) and
Mastering the Tarot: A Guide of Advanced Tarot Reading and Practice by Paul Fenton-Smith. (ISBN: 0731808592)

26. "Some Decisions Are Not Ours to Make"

2005-08-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

Some decisions are not ours to make -- either because we never had the decision making power over a particular issue to begin with, or because the cumulative effects of our past decisions have set into motion consequences that are now out of our hands. The second scenario has been my situation for the last few days.

My body finally took over and laid me flat on my back for the last couple of days. Too much emotional stress combined with too much "pushing the envelope", physically, usually add up to some kind of illness or other physical malfunction(s)for me. This time I must've really pushed my "stress envelope", big time, because my body waylaid me, but good -- my lower back and hips collapsed, my neck spasmed, and to add insult to injury, I got several cold sores on my upper lip. All this and I felt exhausted to the core of my being. I be one b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l woman right now! ;-)

I'm some better -- definitely on the mend -- but not out of the woods, yet, if I push myself too much, too soon. The trick, of course, is to pay attention to what my body's telling me. I would've been "fine" -- very tired, yes, but not waylaid -- if it hadn't been for the two major personal losses that came my way last week.

You know that quote I have printed in blue in the ShoutBox sidebar here on my blog? * . . .

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm,
but peace within the storm."

I keep it there, not because I'm an expert at following it's advise, but because I need to be reminded regularly to follow its advice. This last week has certainly been proof-perfect of that.

Well, I'm going to still take it easy for awhile. I hope to be able continue my daily blog entries, but I'm not going to go on a massive guilt trip if I'm a little late with one or have to skip one here or there for the next week or so.

In the meantime, y'all keep on keeping on and take care.
Write On!~ Nanette

* on my NaNoPubYe.org where this post was originally posted.

25. "Love Intervened"

2005-07-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

After yesterday's post, I figured I should let you know that Samantha is a bit better, today. It seemed that her symptoms were so unusual that the vet drew a complete blank, except to give her something for an intermittent loose stool.

She found no reason for the patch of bare skin on Samantha's upper right shoulder. The skin there looked absolutely perfect in color, temperature and texture. And we couldn't find any wounds, swelling or parasites.

I suggested that Samantha may've removed the fur on her shoulder to show me where she was hurting inside -- in her shoulder. The vet shook her head and rolled her eyes, but humored me by feeling and rotating Samantha's right front leg and shoulder . . . and found some major popping and snapping there.

Ah Hah! I thought. There was something, after all. I knew it. Samantha is not a whiner. In fact, she hardly ever complains about anything (except her litter box) -- including her seizures. I knew that what I had seen and sensed from her was not my imagination.

The vet guessed that Samantha may have hurt herself jumping down from somewhere. The only way to know for sure was to do some major testing that we had no money for at the time. [sigh] At least we know something and got a little help. I think there's a lot more to what's going on with Samantha, but at least she's in a holding pattern, for now.

There's a major factor that the vet didn't take into account. Love. Love has healing energy beyond anything that modern science can produce or account for. I know for certain that several people were sending Samantha lots of Love today. I believe that Love intervened and helped Samantha where the vet couldn't find or do much of anything for her.

To all of you who sent your well wishes of Love and Light -- Thank you! and Bless you!

Love always makes a way.

'Til next time ... take care and ...Write On, My Friends!
~ Nanette

24. "Change of Plans"

2005-07-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

I planned something totally different for this entry, and had it at least half way written, when I just couldn't go any further. Those words will keep 'til another day.

My dear feline friend, Samantha, climbed up onto my desk and sat looking at me very intently. She wanted me to understand something and I wasn't getting it. I could sense she was upset and not feeling well, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

Then I noticed her right front leg shaking, but she didn't limp. I also noticed that she had pulled out a huge patch of fur from her right shoulder. Being a super-long haired Himalayan with thick Persian-Angora fur, I had to really search for that patch, even though it was a couple of inches in diameter.

Then her right front leg shook again. I gently cupped it in my hand and she cried -- the cry of "Yes, Nan, that's it. Please help me with it. Please." My heart broke. She has endured so much in her life. I'm usually faster at picking-up what's going on with her.

I tried to continue writing the blog entry that I planned, but I just couldn't. Too sad. Too tired. Too late. I suddenly felt overwhelmed and let the tears roll down my cheeks. Need to get a little rest, until it's time to take Samantha to the vet. She'll lay beside me and, in spite of how she feels, purr me to sleep and accompany me through my dreams until it's time to wake up.

We will pray that the vet will know what to do.

Take care, my friends...and write on.
~Nanette

23. "Revisiting: 'Have You Ever Wondered?' "

2005-07-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?"
~ Bertolt Brecht

Remember that post I started, but was so "rudely" interrupted by the galloping grocery bag? (#18 on 7/22) Well, I'm going to try that one again, tonight -- and see how far I get. So far, all the guilty parties are napping. That could change at any moment, so we'll see what happens. ;-)

That ill-fated post started out:

"To be surprised, to wonder, is to begin to understand."
~ José Ortega y Gasset

Have you ever wondered what you would've been like if you'd had different parents? -- or if a particular experience hadn't taken place in your life? -- or if you'd had a sibling who didn't consider it their life's mission to torture you? -- or if you hadn't been born handicapped? -- or if you had? -- or if you and your siblings were born in a different order? -- or as the opposite gender? -- or if your parents hadn't divorced? -- or if you really were adopted? -- or born in a different country? . . . and on and on.

I suspect that many, if not most of us, have wondered at least some of those things -- especially when we were growing up. I did. Most of us eventually outgrew that sort of "wondering," or at least other aspects of our lives began to command our attention -- jobs, college, significant others, cars, bills, babies (?), home, health, more bills, politics, wars, rumors of wars, etc., etc., etc. -- and we forgot about it. For many of us those questions became moot issues as we got older and no longer seemed important.

Writers have a tendency to ask those "wondering" and "what if" questions -- especially for their fictional characters -- even after we attain the dubious status of being "grown up". A few good one-on-one therapy sessions would probably start bringing some of those questions up again, too.

Me? -- funny that you would ask, because I was one of those "rare birds" who never stopped wondering and asking at least some of those questions about myself. One question, in particular, stuck with me through childhood and on into adulthood, through college, marriage, babies, career, divorce -- great loss and great gain and all the mundane in between. I eventually learned that sometimes it is our destiny -- at least part of our reason for being here -- to wonder and seek the answers to those questions.

I was about 18 when I asked my grandmother what I was like when I was first born, before my mother had me long enough to traumatize and abuse me. I felt like damaged goods and wanted to know what I would've been like if things had been different -- if my mother had been different or some such thing. Grandma started to tear up and apologized because she couldn't tell me. She didn't see me 'til I was more than three months old.

"I wish I could tell you what you want to know, but I have no way of knowing what you were like when you were 'brand new'. By the time I first saw you, you were wise beyond your years, with the oldest, most serious looking eyes I'd ever seen on most adults, let alone a baby. You've been like that, ever since I first saw you."

I almost cried, when I heard those words. I'd hoped that at least she would know the answer to my question. It felt so important to know the answer. Little did I know just how important it truly was -- or what strange and exotic path it would eventually lead me on -- and bring me such surprises that I could never have imagined. Of course, there was the just plan weirdness, too, but hey, it was okay because Sr. Ortega y Gasset was right. I did begin to understand myself in a way that I never imagined. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The question here is, "What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?" In other words, when I found the answer to my question and began to understand who and what I was before -- which was the hole in my cheese -- what happened to the "real" me? I became WHOLE again. Each day I come a little closer to seeing the WHOLE picture and accomplishing what I'm here to do.

What's my favorite cheese? Baby Swiss. No surprise there! ;-)

Take care, Y'all and . . .
Write On!
~ Nanette

22. "A Very, VERY Old ... Special Snail"

2005-07-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

Those who know me, know that I tend to be a night person and, as such, a night writer. My creative juices seem to flow best after everyone else is asleep. It's quieter and I can think and focus better. I've been that way ever since I was born -- at a few minutes past midnight. It probably has a lot to do with me being a "sensitive" and strong empath. There's often too much "incoming" during the day for me to settle down to just my own thoughts and feelings. So, I'll often get on line and start my post here in the late evening, so it will have the correct date on it, but I'll usually be writing on it through the night -- slow poke that I am.

This particular post was started later than usual, because I was experiencing some of the worst TIAs (mini-strokes) that I've had all month. So, here it is starting to get light and I'm still writing! Not cool, but ya' work with what ya' have. I started writing this post several times. But had to pull back and wait 'til the "episode" passed. Of course, it's left me very weak. Things didn't start to turn around until close to midnight, when I realized that something was different this time from the rest of this month. My snail wasn't with me! -- hadn't been with me since about seven or eight o'clock this evening. By eight-thirty I was in real distress with the TIA symptoms and this time they were not passing, but were intensifying instead. I didn't know what to think, except to stay calm and breathe as slowly and deeply as I could and try to concentrate on staying "with it" (conscious) -- for the next three hours.

When I realized that the only difference between this evening and the rest of the month was that I didn't have the snail in my pocket, I immediately went to the laundry room to try to find it, praying that it had survived going through the washer in my sweat pants pocket. (The gargage disposal attacked me and I wet my pants -- a totally different story.) I pulled the wet pants out of the washer and checked the pockets. No snail. I pulled everything else out of the washer and shook each item carefully before putting it in the dryer. No snail. Finally, I saw something dark brown in the bottom of the washer, reached for it, and ... yes! My snail was back in my hot little mitts. Now to see if I intuited correctly.

Sure enough, my symptoms began to lessen almost immediately. Bit-by-bit, the heart palpitations, spastic breathlessness, vertigo, and what felt like waves of electric flashes through my head, and the near blackouts (I call them brownouts), slowly receded -- leaving me weak, too weak to type, but that was slowly dissipating, too. Finally, at about four a.m., I was able to meditate for a while. So here I am, slow but sure, and writing about a snail in my pocket. [lol] Weird.

Actually, it's a small triangular piece of Ammonite, that one of my dearest friends gave me for my birthday, this month. She found it in a special shop in Florida and sent it to me at the beginning of the month. Boy am I glad she did. I could feel it's gentle energy when I first took it out of the box. I've been carrying it around in my pocket ever since. It just felt like the right thing to do. I knew it was helping me, but didn't realize, just how much, until this experience.

"Ammonite is a fossilized animal which was present on the Earth in eons past [now extinct for 65 M years]; it is similar in its structure to the snail. [Its closest living relative is the modern nautilus.] Pyritized ammonite is a rarer form and combines the properties of ammonite with the properties of pyrite. [The specimen from Canada, that my friend gave me, has Pyrite in it.]

The Properties of ammonite include stimulus to architects and those in the fields of construction. It provides for insight to the basis from which to start and allows one to retain the "whole picture" from conception to use.

Ammonite is a protective stone, giving stability and structure to ones life. It can eliminate the caustic attributes and can transform negativity into a smooth, flowing energy. It also tends to encourage and to supplement ones survival instincts. It is a stone to assist one in the promulgation of the requirements and the actions necessary, for world survival.
It can alleviate the burdens of the birthing process and can provide for ease of relaxation, with a constant reminding of the patterns and rewards of circular breathing. It can also help to alleviate the depression sometimes associated with the re-birthing process.

It can be used in the treatment of disorders of the lungs and limbs. It can be quite helpful in the rectification of degenerative disorders.

Vibrates to the number 9." *

I call it "my snail" because that's what it was eons ago. In Europe they grew to about six feet across. The ones in Canada, where my specimen is from, grew to about four or four-and-a-half feet across. Evidently, someone found one, or part of one, and cut it up and sold it to specialty shops. That makes me a little sad, but I am oh, so grateful that I have this piece of the snail in my pocket -- where it's going to stay!

And yes, I'm talking about vibrations again -- vibrations affecting my aura, my physical body, my mind, my emotions, my mind ... hmmm, said that already. Well, anyway, it's helping. 'Cause if it weren't I wouldn't be able to write this post.

This gives a whole new meaning to "pet rock". ;-)

Take care and Write On, Y'all!
~ Nanette

P.S. - Thanks, MM!

* by Melody, Love is in the Earth, 114.
(with added info, in brackets, from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ammonite

21. "Give a Little Whistle!" -

2005-07-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"When a dog runs at you, whistle for him."
~ Henry David Thoreau

I love this quote. It's fascinating. All sorts of scenarios flood my mind when I read it. And I wonder . . . did Thoreau ever actually do this? It certainly sounds like risky, even fool-hardy behavior. Would it work? -- or is it just an old philosopher's saying?

Have you ever read something and had a niggling little feeling in the back of your mind, like it meant something important for you somehow, but you couldn't think what it could be? I've thought it over, off and on for several weeks, and I think I finally "get it". At least I can think further than the dog and apply it to other situations, including my life and my writing. I also remembered an incident in which I used that principle -- or at least a version of it -- and it worked! So, I'm thinking that maybe I'm getting a handle on the concept that Thoreau had in mind.

. . .

[6:00 a.m., Tues (7/26)] I lost the rest if this post when IE malfunctioned and then my whole computer locked up on me. I'd worked on it most of the night and was just about done with it -- could've sworn I'd saved more of it -- but guess not. My brain is too numb to re-write it now. I have to get some rest and freshen up the synapses before I can have a go at it, again. It's always a little demoralizing when this sort of thing happens, but I'll get over it and re-write it later today.

In the meantime, if you have any ideas about this one, feel free to comment.

Take care, Y'all and Write On!
~ Nanette

20. "Reiki-Do"

2005-07-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

I am a Third Degree Reiki Master-Teacher. *

Briefly... "Reiki" is a gentle method of healing-touch. It uses the energy of unconditional love -- the universal, life-giving energy that is all around us -- to harmonize the energies/vibrations of the body, mind and soul to help mitigate and heal the causes and effects of illnesses and injuries.

Reiki is not a religion or belief system, but can be practiced in conjunction with any religion or belief system. Five simple principles or attitudes are usually taught to Reiki initiates:

1.) Just for today -- Don't get angry;
2.) Just for today -- Do not worry;
3.) Just for today -- Be kind & respectful to others;
4.) Just for today -- Live honestly; and
5.) Just for today -- Show gratitude; in all things give thanks.

Those principles fit in with every major belief system that I know of. They can also be practiced by those who prefer to remain separate from organized religions. While the Reiki techniques channel the highest vibrating energy in the universe to harmonize the body, the Reiki principles harmonize the practitioner with herself and the community.

(If 51% of us practiced these principles one day at a time, it would not be long before there would be no more war. I know. I know. I already wrote that post (#9), but I just couldn't resist. The vision of certain persons (who shall remain nameless) "throwing a war" and nobody coming to it, was just too compelling to not mention at least once. But I promise not to go off on that tangent right now.)

"Reiki" is a Japanese word meaning "Universal Life Energy", the divine life-giving force.

"Do" is the Japanese word for "path". In Japanese the "Do" is attached to certain terms to indicate that the activity referred to can also be "a way of life" at the same time (e.g. - judo, bushido, aikido, and kendo) as well as a healing technique. In other words, its principles can be applied to every aspect of the practitioner's daily life. I've known this for some time, but have been dealing with the basics of recouping, relearning and recreating my life on more basic levels since my accident in 2000. That's the simplistic answer, but it will do for now. Suffice it to say, I'm ready to move on to a more responsible way of living. I'm ready to advance another step in my recovery progress.

What brings this up? Where is this coming from? What's this have to do with writing?

Well, it's a combination of things. First of all, I was not satisfied with my blog post yesterday -- especially the wimpy, non-committal, unimpassioned last paragraph. My emotions were battened down like Key West getting ready for a hurricane. I couldn't seem to access them. I still had my head down and butt tucked, while saying all the "right" words, because I knew I should. Not cool. That won't get me anywhere ... won't accomplish a darn thing, except failure and guilt and yada yada, blah blah blah and so forth and so on. And I still won't get that book written! [:rolls eyes:]

The Second thing involved in this is my 21-day challenge. My 6th 21-day challenge was over this last Thursday (7/21), with very mixed results. It wasn't a "failure", but it wasn't a "bulls-eye" success, either. The "good" news is that I wrote every day and posted 17 blog entries this month, so far. The "fair-to-middling" news is that I didn't post blogs every day, which was my aim for this challenge, with the goal of making that a habit. I didn't do too bad, though, considering. I find it interesting that last week, when my health was the worst -- TIAs (mini-strokes), again -- was my best week of the challenge, as far as daily blog posts. Anyway, what I mean to say is that I want/need another go at my "daily blog post" challenge. I also want to work on some basics that "might/should" help me find where I hid my b*lls (chuztpah). ;-)

It seems to me, "Reiki-Do" can do that, somehow. I'm not quite sure how, yet, but it feels right -- like it's what I need right now. So I'm going to meditate on it and come up with something to do with that as part of my 7th 21-day challenge, along with renewing my "daily blog post" challenge. I feel like this is more of a "picking up loose ends and finishing and tying them off" sort of thing than starting something new. So I should get lots of helping energy from Mercury Retrograde. That'll be a novel experience! (pun intended) ;-)

I'll let you know how it goes.

Take care, Y'all and Write On!
~ Nanette

* For those to whom such things are important:
I am certified in both the Usui Reiki and Tibetan Reiki traditions.

19. "100% Genuine Style"

2005-07-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/8/2005.]

"Not gifted with genius,
but honestly holding his experience deep in his heart,
he kept his simplicity and humanity."

~ Nanao Sukaki, about the great Japanese Haiku writer, Issa

I've often felt confused by what different people meant when they talked about a writer's style. I think at least some of my confusion comes from people using the same word to refer to different things, without realizing it or clarifying it. The paperback dictionary I bought back in 1984* lists only three major meanings for the word "style". Dictionary.com lists over 15 meanings for "style". With that many meanings to choose from, well let's face it, we Americans can be a bit sloppy with our language use, at times. So it's no wonder that some of the major questions that young (and many not so young) writers have concerning writing are about style and what it is.

I have come to realize that writing style is more a matter of honesty -- first with myself, then with others -- and genuineness, than it is anything else. Learning to reveal who I really am and what I feel and think has a lot to do with this. This is where the courage to write and writing practice come in. For most of us, it takes practice to get the hang of expressing ourselves in a way that honestly communicates our true thoughts and feelings. And it takes courage to put it on a page, let alone out where others can see it. Our culture is so into appearances -- facades and masks -- and what other people think that it can be quite frightening to put our real selves out there for public consumption, regardless of whether we are writing fiction or non.

Now here's one of my bugaboos: Tom Clancy wrote,

"The difference between fiction and reality?
Fiction has to make sense."

Now I take this to mean that Mr. Clancy thinks that writing fiction and reality is the same, except for that one factor. I agree with him, with one exception: quite often, these days, people expect reality to make sense, too. When it doesn't, they disbelieve it -- no matter how much proof is offered. Maybe Mr. Clancy would've been more accurate to have written that people prefer reading fiction and nonfiction that makes sense. The difference between the two is that fiction can be MADE to make sense, while reality has to be taken as it is -- straight, with no chaser -- regardless of our preferences.

"What's my problem with that?" Fear. The fear of being misunderstood and disbelieved. I have a WiP that is a true story, but I've seriously considered presenting it as fiction -- or at least calling it fiction -- to avoid problems with people who will take issue with it, because it will not fit into their viewpoint and/or belief system about how things are, were, or should be. But while it would be easier for readers to believe my story as fiction, it would be "evasive fiction" -- and definitely not my genuine style. As fiction, it would not truly be my story. It would be a public acknowledgment that I'd allowed myself to commit adultery with public opinion. (Did I mention that I have strong feelings on this subject?) My fear has become such a problem, that I quit work on that particular WiP, for awhile, with the hope that a little distance from it would help me get a more balanced perspective of my "malfunction" and either solve it or transcend it.

Writing this out has helped me confront some of my personal demons. I think that it would be best for me to continue writing the WiP in question as honestly and genuinely as I can and let come what may. And my style? Honesty and genuineness are my style. It's what I do and how I do it best.

I hold my experience deep in my heart. It is time to put it on the page -- simply and genuinely.

Write On!
~ Nanette

18. "Have You Ever Wondered?"

2005-07-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"To be surprised, to wonder, is to begin to understand."

~ José Ortega y Gasset

Have you ever wondered ... [out of the corner of my eye I'm seeing a plastic grocery bag running past my desk ... out into the hall ... into the kitchen ... last seen turning corner heading toward the laundry room, with very large Queen feline chasing it... THUMP! ... silence ...].

Ummm ... excuse me ... I need to make sure that all bodies involved are still breathing...

. . .

Okay, all present and accounted for -- breathing and in one piece. Notice, I did not say they were "all there".

Our youngest kitten, "Megan the Hellion" (12 weeks old) got spooked while playing in a grocery bag, and started running while still inside of it. Our feline Queen, Samantha, couldn't resist chasing after such a sight, which ended abruptly when Megan ran headlong into the laundry room door and rolled out of the bag.

When I peered around the corner to check on them, Megan -- back and tail arched -- was prancing agitatedly around the bag, as though it was alive and had purposely done this dasterdly thing to her. Samantha was sitting a foot or so away looking half amused, half disappointed. She undoubtedly had hoped to have a bit more fun. Of course, I was no help, laughing my fool head off.

Well, I DID have a theme in mind for this post, but it seems that the Universe has intervened and let us all off the hook for tonight. Maybe I'll remember what I was going to say by the time I land here again tomorrow. Or maybe something even better will scurry through my den/ mind. ;-)

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

17. "Mercury Retrograde"

2005-07-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

I mentioned "Mercury Retrograde" in yesterday's post and associated it ... Aw, who am I kidding? I BLAMED a planet for my computer & internet problems! (lol) Sounds a bit ridiculous when put that way, doesn't it? Sounds about as ridiculous as saying the opera singer on the stage broke Mr. Clyde's crystal wine glass, up in his box seat. Which is more believable?

Scientifically, both are possible. Without getting technical . . . everything vibrates, and vibrations travel and affect other things in their proximity. Proximity for a planet is likely going to be within that planet's solar system. Proximity for an opera singer would likely be within the same room.

Whether or not we believe either one or not probably depends on the circumstances, and our background and experience.

I didn't take seriously any of the supposed planetary effects upon people, until after I'd worked with the women residents at the YWCA for several months. I worked and lived with them for three years, while I attended university -- working ten hour nights and getting what sleep I could during the day when I wasn't in classes. So basically I was with the women day-in and day-out, whether I was on the clock or not, which was rather intense. My major? Psychology, with a journalism minor.

About ten to fifteen percent of the women had psychological problems. Almost all of them were in or needed to be in therapy. Many were homeless or from a shelter situation before arriving at the "Y". More than half were victims of domestic violence or worse. A quarter to a third had some kind of addiction -- some legal & some not. Several had been on the wrong side of the law more than once. A couple had spent several years in prison -- one for murder. Many had lost children and/or homes. A few had spent most years in the mental hospital until the powers that be got the notion that keeping them there was cruel, so they tossed them out on the streets. The majority were quiet and responsible, took care of themselves, followed the rules and even helped the others when they could. As in most groups, only about ten or fifteen percent were problems.

My job was to keep them all safe during the night, and be available for any emergencies. I also answered the phone and handled domestic violence and suicide calls. If things were quiet, I could study, read or write all night. I usually wrote all night.

After a few months I realized that there was a regular cycle to the more disruptive behavior. They tended to occur during the New and Full Moons. My three years working there convinced me of it.

It wasn't much of a stretch to start observing other effects from other heavenly bodies. While at the "Y," Mars was at the top of my hit list, after the Moon. The violent incidents increased exponentially when Mars had his shorts in a wad. Mercury Retrograde was almost as bad, at times, only in a different way -- especially concerning problems from miscommunications.

Just so I'm not assuming that everyone knows what Mercury Retrograde is, planets are called "retrograde" when they are in the part of their orbit in which they look like they are standing still or moving backwards, when viewed from Earth. Mercury does that three times this year. On Friday (July 22nd), we'll begin Mercury's second retrograde phase, which will last twenty-four days, 'til August 15th.

At the beginning of each year, I mark on my calendar when Mercury goes retrograde, as a sort of "heads-up" to warn me not to expect great things from my computers or cell phone and to get any major contractual agreements out of the way, if at all possible, a week before Mercury gets funky. Why? Because Mercury's retrograde energy tends to vibrate in a way that causes us humans to misunderstand each other. Sometimes it can get so bad, that couples can think that their relationship is breaking up. This is not cool. Been there. Done that. I don't care to ever repeat that experience. At the time, I didn't understand Mercury Retrograde's effects. I do now and treat it with the great respect -- not fear.

This is a good time to take stock of the past, tie up loose ends, and plan for what needs to be done when Mercury goes Direct, again. This is not a good time for starting new projects. If at all possible, save those for when Mercury starts vibrating with an energy that's more conducive to forward motion, safe travel, clear communications, and electronic equipment (especially computers and phones) that work smoothly.

This particular Mercury Retrograde phase comes right after my birthday, which is an excellent time for me spend some time reviewing my past year, tying up loose ends, and organizing/ preparing for my next year on planet Earth. This should be an interesting time. I wonder what I'll come up with . . . ?

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

16. "Today is my birthday . . ."

2005-07-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

. . . and as a b.day present I'm giving myself the rest of the day/evening off. . . .

I'm going to kick back and relax and not feel even a twinge of guilt. After taking fifty-three years to get here, I think I can afford at least a few hours of guilt-free relaxation.

Enjoy!

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

P.S. - It's now 2:22 p.m. (CST) July 21st, and I'm just now able to get back on this site to finish this post. It only took me a few minutes to write, but I couldn't get the site or my computer (or both) to let me re-access the "edit" feature so I could finish posting it. So, here I am, about 17 hours later, finally able to make this puny post.

Hmmmmm ... can you tell Mercury's about to go retrograde? -- 'til August 15th! Oh joy!!! ;-)

15. "Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters..."

2005-07-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"Cast your bread upon the waters,
for you shall find it after many days."
~ Ecclesiastes

Today's blog is dedicated to Terasque.*

Today I had a wonderful surprise arrive in my email. Considering that tomorrow is my birthday, it was like getting a really cool, unexpected birthday present from the Universe. There's a bit of a background story to this one, so bear with me for a minute.

During NaNoWriMo'04, I was browsing through the forums and happened upon a really neat thread challenging us to write a one sentence summary of the book we were writing. I was fascinated with the idea and read everyone's post while wondering if I could possibly do as well. Several of the posts were quite good; some were even excellent. A couple of the summaries really grabbed my interest and I tried to find out more about the writers by looking up their profiles, excerpts and other posts and following up with them.

One young writer in particular, Terasque, caught my interest for two reasons: first, because I liked the sound of the story she was writing and, second, because it was mid-November and she hadn't got very far with it. I hated to see her loose momentum and stop writing and hoped she was all right. I saw that one of her other posts (one written exactly nine months ago today, in fact) was a request for help with her novel, Sand on the Water:

Terasque wrote:

. . .
"Problem: I don't know what ... kind of trial a desert culture... would have as a rite of passage for their children entering adulthood. It ... needs to be something that can be failed, by some sort of serious stroke of horrible luck... ."

Suddenly a whole rite-of-passage scenario for Terasque's story came to mind and I posted it for her, just in case it was what she needed. Since then I've thought, off and on, about Terasque and her novel and wondered how she was doing, then would send her some positive thoughts and a prayer to help her in whatever way she needed most.

This evening Terasque emailed me:

"Hello there!
You'd probably not remember who I am, as I don't believe we ever actually spoke on the NaNoWriMo forums, but you made a comment to me on this thread:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=5367&forum=152
regarding my novel-in-progress, Sand on the Water, and offered a really brilliant idea for a rite of passage that turned out to be just the thing I was looking for.

I'm currently still working on the novel, but your idea gave me the kick I needed to get going --unfortunately, at the beginning of November, my dog (who had been ill for a very long time) was in such pain that we decided the humane thing to do would be to put him to sleep, effectively shooting my mindset for writing in the foot. I resumed writing in about mid-March, but I was never able to update my wordcount; I'm past the 50k mark now, but just wanted to thank you for your idea and your very kind comments regarding the excerpt I posted on the NaNo website. It really gave me what I needed to keep going.

Perhaps if I ever reach a finished product (hopefully by this coming NaNoWriMo; I've got a sequel of sorts in mind, if I can pull it together) that I'm satisfied with I could put it up somewhere where you could read it, should you still be interested. But regardless, thanks again for your comments!

Sincerely,
Terasque

I loved it! I LOVE to truly help people. It's wonderful to know that I was able to help. Often we don't get to hear or see the results of the help we offer, so it's awesome, once in awhile, to hear from one of the recipients.

Terasque's novel title, Sand on the Water reminded me of "bread on the water" and the quote it's from: "Cast your bread upon the waters, for you shall find it after many days." I realized there was an important connection there and decided to use that as the title of this entry. It has to do with giving help to someone in need and later receiving it back again, in some way.

Of course, this is the "what goes around, comes around" principle, that we're all familiar with -- a different way of stating the Universal Law of how certain things work. We aren't s'posed to do be expecting anything in return when we help one another -- otherwise that'll boomerang back to us, too.

KUDOS! to Terasque for keeping on "writing on"! It takes courage to write.

CONGRATULATIONS! and... KUDOS! and much thanks to the many, many writers who make sites like NaNoPubYe.org possible -- the founders, administrators, moderators, and members-at-large.

CONGRATULATIONS! to all of you who put yourself out there to help your fellow writers, expecting nothing in return. Many a word, sentence, paragraph, chapter and book have been written with the help of such encouragement.

My heart is full!

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

* "Terasque" is a NaNoWriMo member's username, used to protect her privacy.

14. "A Game of Cards"

2005-07-18T04:49:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

I had no idea what I wanted to write about tonight, so I flipped through one of my favorite quotation books until I found one that peaked my interest:

"Life is like a game of cards.
The hand that is dealt you is determinism;
the way you play it is free will."
~ Jawaharlal Nehru

A lot could be done with that particular group of words, I thought. An interesting hand of cards, indeed -- twenty-three words, twenty-three cards.

I have no idea how many games of Solitaire I've played in my lifetime, so far. I doubt that any of us could answer that -- especially since Microsoft started packaging a free Solitaire game with each Windows operation system. With the click of a mouse or touch of a stylus a new game can be set up in the blink of an eye -- over and over and over again. After a while they can become mesmerising, drawing me into an altered state where my mind sees patterns and sequences in the cards and free associates them, on some subliminal level, with things going on in my life or a friend's -- or it becomes a story of its own. Those associations give motivation to my choice of card and its placement that I might not have ordinarily made. "Real" life is like that, too.

There have been games that I "messed up" or "lost" because I decided to play a particular card before another. Often I know or at least strongly suspect what I've done the moment I do it. Then watch the rest of the game either come to a grinding halt or slowly fall apart by coming to one dead end after another, 'til there's nothing else I can do, even tho' I have plenty of cards left.

There've been strange things happen, like the year (Nov. '97 to Nov. '98 ) in which I rarely won a game of Solitaire -- maybe one out of a couple dozen or so. Almost every game that year, the game would come to a halt shortly after I played a third King. The longer I could avoid playing a third King the longer the game would last, but eventually I'd have no choice but to play a third King and within five or six moves (if not sooner) the game would come to a halt. I was sure it meant something -- something to do with three kings -- but I never did figure it out.

In the last year or so, I've been fascinated with the possibility of using a game of Solitaire to plot a story character's life, or several characters' story line, or a whole book's general plot line. I'm still working on it and have begun to call it The Solitaire Experiment and consider it a work-in-progress, which is still in the preliminary planning stage, but becoming more and more viable as I'm able to figure out more about how to make it work. My general premise is that if each of the four card suits represent a major aspect of life, or temperament, personality or manner of being; and if each of the ten numbered cards represent levels or stages within those major aspects, then the order of how the cards are laid down could very easily suggest a storyline or character background or a complete book's plot.

It seemed to me that it should be quite easy to do, but the actual outworking of the idea has had a few hitches. At one time, I would've been able to daydream something like this, in detail, in just one sitting, then write or draw it, making a few fine adjustments to the plan in outline form, and put it to use with hardly any further adjustments at all. I was able to fully conceptualize things from start to finish, step-by-step and in three-D, if necessary. But that was before my brain injury in 2000. Now my thinking tends to get confused when I try to conceptualize things like that, so it's taking me a lot more work, experimentation and time to figure it out. But it's slowly coming along and I'm quite excited about it. I'm hoping that when I'm done it will be a tool that other writers can use, too.

A lot of writers want help with their plotting, but outlining, or the Marshall Plan, or Snowflaking, etc. don't suit the way their minds work. They think more in pictures, but maybe they don't draw. Then there are the writers who have a plot -- or thought they did -- but find themselves a ways into the storyline and have either lost their way or for the life of them can't think of how best to tie up the loose ends, or whatever. Hopefully something like this will be flexible enough that anyone can use in any situation to take them to the next step or all the way to the coveted "The End". Or maybe they already like using the Snowflake Process and even supplement it with some of the Marshall Plan, but want something to get them started -- a seed idea or have drawn a blank at one stage of their process and need something a little different to give them a jump start.

Hmmm... I'm really hyping this, aren't I? What if The Solitaire Experiment doesn't do all that I hope and dream that it does? Well, that's why I'm calling it an experiment. I do that when I'm trying out a new recipe. That way if it doesn't turn out the way I expected it to, it wasn't a failure -- just an experiment. Just the experience of going through with it, trying to figure it all out and make it work, is good mental exercise for me and can't but help me and my writing. So either way it's a win-win endeavor. That's taking the hand that's been dealt me and playing with it freely. ;-)

Write On, Y'all!
~ Nanette

13. "Everything Counts"

2005-07-15T04:25:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

In yesterday's blog entry I wrote:

"When it comes to writing, everything counts."

I didn't always believe that, but I do now. I find that it is a very positive attitude that works for me concerning my writing. "Works" is the operative word here. If it "works" and "does no harm," then I'm very likely going to use it -- regardless of other people's opinions. Not because I don't respect other people and their opinions, but we are talking about opinions, after all, not Universal Laws.

I count all writing and all writing-related-work as Writing. For me it all works together. Many an email, journal entry, letter or post has turned into something useable in one of my WiPs. Many things that I've written directly into my WiPs has had to be set aside for use another day. Does it mean that I didn't write them? -- that they don't count? I don't think so. Even if they are eventually discarded or permanently set aside, each word served a very valuable purpose at the time of their writing. Each word written is a step marker -- a footprint on the paths my thoughts have run, walked, jumped, skipped and slipped, and sometimes crawled, or even fallen on, to arrive where I am at this moment.

I'm not the only one who practices writing this way. Augusten Burroughs, four-time New York Times Bestseller, says this about how he writes:

"I write all the time. I count all writing as writing with a capital 'W', even if it's just scribbling notes or writing e-mail. There's a story in Magical Thinking, "The Rat/Thing," that came, almost exactly, from an e-mail I wrote to a friend." *

It's a bit difficult to argue with that kind of success.

As I said, I adopted this attitude toward my writing because it works for me -- not because someone else was doing it. I didn't know anyone else was doing it -- let alone someone famous. I didn't happen upon Mr. Burroughs' interview until after I'd been successfully practicing this way of thinking about my writing for about six weeks. And then it impressed me only as a, "Cool! Someone else is doing it and it's working for them, too," sort of thing.

I love the Burrough's quote, because it reinforces and adds credibility to my experience in the eyes of those who have decided that only one kind of activity qualifies as "writing" and they feel compelled to inflict that personal opinion on others. It's happened before and it'll happen again, and I'll be quoting Mr. Burroughs, when it does. Not because I need to name-drop to give me self-worth, but because a lot of people in our culture have learned not to acknowledge the opinions and experiences of anyone who isn't famous, or whatever. I dislike playing that prejudiced, shallow game, but at least now I have some "ammo". :-D

Everyone needs different things at different times in their life. This is the first thing that has worked for me in the five years since my accident when I had to relearn, then reinvent my writing practice almost from scratch. My major break through was joining "Sanja's Challenge - writing 3 hrs/day", which included writing "anything at all, new or continuing, novels or poetry or non-fiction. Writing and editing count toward the 3 hours." It helped me by putting the emphasis upon time, instead of wordcount. Shortly after I started Sanja's Challenge, I joined NaNoEdMo, which also emphasized time.

An integral part of my "everything counts" perspective on writing is my realization that "writing" included: pre-writing (plots, plans, snowflakes or outlines, character sketches and world building, etc.), drafts, edits, rewrites, summaries, synopsis, proposals, and marketing plans, etc.. Writing is no longer a closed system, for me, with one way to the holy grail of being published. Closed systems are not ultimately practical and by their very nature -- which usually includes a not so fair amount of capricious judgmentalism, cronyism and prejudice -- do not encourage creativity and evolution outside certain prescribed bounds.

The moment that status is connected with a certain way of doing something -- especially regarding creative arts endeavors, such as writing -- an aspect of that art has suddenly been straight-jacketed and creative possibilities closed off and opportunities lost because a certain few are given control are given control over the many. Closed systems work for some people, some of the time, but eventually they almost always prove themselves to be inadequate for most of the people most of the time.

I cannot afford having those negative attitudes toward myself and my writing, if I'm going to continue to make progress. For me, writing had to become an open system -- one in which flexibility is built-in and change and transformation are at its core. For me that means, in writing, everything counts.

Write On!
Nanette

* Augusten Burroughs is the bestselling author of: Running With Scissors (2002), Sellevision: A Novel (2003), Dry (2004), and Magical Thinking: True Stories (2004); as quoted by Maria Schneider in "The WD Interview: Augusten Burroughs: The Surreal Life", Writer's Digest, April 2005, p. 48. (ISSN: 0043-9525).

12. "Brain In A Sling"

2005-07-14T04:19:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

End of Monday and all of Tuesday, my brain felt like it wanted to just lay back and gently swing in a shady hammock all day -- like I was in some kind of recoup mode. At least that's the only thing I could think of to describe it. I couldn't think of any reason why I should feel that way until late Tuesday afternoon, when I figured out my writing time and wordcount for Monday, so I could enter it in my spreadsheet. I was stunned to see that I had written 10.6 K in 18 hrs. that day! Whew! That explains it, I thought. No wonder, I'm feeling so strange and logy.

I was hard put to write much of anything for this blog, Monday night or Tuesday. I made sure I got plenty of sleep those nights and figured that I'd be feeling better and be going full bore again by Wednesday. I did some writing, and other writing related work, but nothing like I had been doing and what I did didn't come easy. I had no energy and neither did my writing -- or at least none that I was cognizant of at the time.

You know the saying that "life is what happens while you're making other plans" -- and the other saying in which the gods laugh when we make plans? Yeah, you know those. We've all experienced it from time to time.

It seems that my brain wanted Wednesday off, whether I wanted it or not. I wasn't given a choice in the matter and didn't realize what was happening at first, but by late afternoon/early evening my synapses were almost totally "out to lunch". I couldn't even begin to figure out how to make supper -- just stood in the kitchen with a vague notion that I was s'posed to be doing something in there, but had no clue what it might be, let alone how; later, the VCR's remote control didn't look even remotely familiar and I couldn't figure out what to do with it (all I wanted to do was watch something we'd recorded a couple of days ago); and I couldn't even think of how to write...let alone actually do it ... or at least I thought I hadn't done any writing. I had no recollection of doing any writing yesterday, but when I was going through things on my desk this afternoon, I found that I must've worked a few hours and produced some "wordage" of sorts. When it comes to writing, everything counts.

You know the saying, "The light is on up stairs, but no one is home." Well, that was me most of yesterday -- especially later in the day and evening -- except my light was pretty dim. ;-D
After the fact, I realized that I was experiencing the symptoms of having TIAs (mini-strokes), again. Most frustrating thing about it to me is that it messed up my 21-day challenge, because I wasn't able to write a blog entry yesterday. I've been having trouble with that challenge ("write a blog entry every day for 21 days"). I tho't I was finally on a roll with it, after five consecutive days of blogging. I was even ecstatic about my post on Sunday (7/10), because it was so much like the way I used to be able to write before my accident. I thought, Wow, I finally made it back to where I was over five years ago! Silly me! I know better. "Pride goeth before a fall." Yes it does. Yes it most certainly does.

So, while the idea of "swinging my brain in a hammock" sounded heavenly, I think what was left of it ended up in a sling, instead. ;-) I've been going slow today, but I think I'm a bit more coherent than yesterday -- in spite of a mild migraine. (An oxymoron, if I ever saw one.) "Slow but sure wins the race" (with myself).

Hopefully, I'll be better and brighter tomorrow. Onward!

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

11. "The Love of Words"

2005-07-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

"Don't forget to be grateful that you love words."
~ Monica Woods

I love words. I love to think, see, hear, read, write, spell, edit, rewrite, play with and teach words. I love ALL the aspects of words. My heart is full of words and my love for them. Words -- especially the writing of them -- is so much a part of who I am, what I do, and why I'm here on this planet. I am reminded that not so long ago I was unable to enjoy any aspect of words. (see post #1, ¶6) Fortunately, I've been able to work my way out of that. And I think I'm doing pretty good, all things considered. Except for maybe tonight. I'm feeling "logi in the head" tonight.

I just figured out why my brain has felt like it's wanted to just lay back and gently swing in a shady hammock all day -- like I'm in some kind of recoup mode. I wrote 10.6 K in 18 hrs, yesterday! No wonder I feel like I'm in "La La Land" today! That's some haul -- especially for me. I was so focused that I didn't realize I'd done so much, for so long, 'til the next day. I'm still pretty awestruck by it. I haven't been able to do that in over five years! I think I'm starting to get my "groove" back -- bit by little bit.

For that I give thanks.

"Writing is the only thing that passes the three tests of métier:
1.) when I'm doing it, I don't feel I should be doing something else;
2.) it produces a sense of accomplishment and, once in a while, pride;
3.) it's frightening."
~ Gloria Stienem

Amén to that!

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

10. "Computer SNAFU's & Roach 'Ranglers"

2005-07-11T03:24:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/7/2005.]

SNAFU: "Situation Nan All Fowled Up" . . .

Last night I was trying to make my 9th blog entry ("51%"), when my trusty computer froze. I lost the whole post. When I finally got it to reboot and access the web, it was a couple hours passed midnight and my brain felt like pudding between my ears. So I posted the first quote, back-dated for the 10th, and got some rest before re-writing it. My apologies to anyone who checked my blog and found just one sentence there for a while.

Soon I'm going to have to stop procrastinating taking my desktop - laptop (my only access to the web) to the computer techies to be fixed. I've promised myself that I'll do it as soon as I finish posting blog entries for 21 consecutive days. If my laptop can just hold on for that long, then I'll take it in. Of course, if it doesn't hold on for that long I'll take it in then, too, but let's not put that out there, just yet.

~~~

This was just too funny to pass up. I had to share it with you . . .

There I was, minding my own business, being good -- trying to educate myself by checking out the "Word For The Day" -- and they throw this example at me:

"quantitative: (KWAHN tuh tay tiv) -- capable of being measured

Example:
By running roaches on a treadmill, three scientists at the State University of New York at Buffalo have performed what they believe is the first quantitative study of energy consumption and efficiency in a running insect, and only the second such study of an invertebrate of any kind. (The first examined the energy budget of a big land crab.)" *

I had to read that at least three times to be sure I'd read it right . . . "running roaches on a treadmill" . . . . Well, I'll not forget that word anytime soon. In fact, I used it twice in post 9, when I re-wrote it this morning.

Nope, those "roach 'ranglers" don't impress me one bit. After all, those guys in Buffalo were dealing with a controlled and confined situation and there were THREE of them. Poor roaches probably didn't know whether they were coming or going -- literally. Did anyone check them for steroids? -- the roaches, not the 'ranglers. The 'ranglers probably needed to be checked for something else. How much do you want to bet they got a government grant to do this fine piece of scientific work? (Our tax dollars hard at work!) :LOL:

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

* source: "Levenger's Daily Quote"

9. "51% = Critical Mass"

2005-07-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm,
but peace within the storm."

We certainly are being given abundant opportunities to practice that, lately. Aren't we? I strongly suspect that the violence will continue -- even escalate -- until at least 51% of us practice this at least 51% of the time. It will be a true revolution -- the peaceful thought heard round the world -- in all of our hearts.

About 35% of us practice "peace/serenity within the storm" at least 51% of the time. I believe we can increase that to 51% within the next couple of years. In fact, we must, in order to avoid self-destruction.

What am I talking about? More specifically, what on Earth is this "51%"? -- and, more importantly, why should you care? Good questions. I'm not a scientist, but I read and I think. It's a dangerous thing, me thinking, but I'll try not to hurt myself (or you, for that matter). All of you who passed the kindergarten level of quantum physics, skip down to the triple asterisks ***.

We've been hearing a lot about quantum physics the last several years. It's just weird enough that it makes sense to me, which probably means that I don't understand it at all, but that's another subject entirely. People use quantum physics to explain time travel, HUP (see blog post 2), black holes, and various other things that I can't recall right now. One of the things that quantum physics deals with is "critical mass".

Now, when I hear someone talking about "critical mass" I immediately think of nuclear reactors melting down -- which probably has something to do with living almost 20 years within the "red zone" of the Oak Ridge, TN reactors, and maybe the fact that my "once beloved" was a Navy nuclear submarine engineer who had all sorts of scary stories, and , oh yeah, my mother lived close to Three Mile Island reactor when it went critical. What ever the reason, when I hear "critical mass" I think danger, Danger!, BAD!!!

But critical mass isn't "bad"... or "good," for that matter. It's just one of the Universal Laws of how things work. Put a few grains of sweetener in a cup of coffee or tea and we can't tell the difference. Put a teaspoon of sweetener in and most people can usually taste it. Two teaspoons of sweetener and we definitely can say that the coffee or tea has been sweetened. But keep pouring in sweetener and very soon the coffee or tea will become more sweetner than beverage. It will reach "critical mass." We know this because experience (and our mothers) have taught us this. We learned that there's a point of no return -- that moment when the beverage cannot absorb any more sweetener and still retain it's original flavor -- a moment when an unstoppable shift takes place and whatever is in the cup is no longer coffee (the beginnings of icing, maybe, but no longer coffee). The moment it reached "critical mass" the substance in the cup changed consistency, taste, color and being. Even its function and use will be different.

We were all taught in science class that everything is made up of energy -- atoms, electrons, neutrons, protons, photons, kryptons, croutons, etc., etc. -- and all these things, including us, vibrate. Everything -- air, water, earth, light, fire, swamp slime, slugs, bugs, grass, trees, cats, dogs, Bubba and Martha -- comes into being with its own particular vibration. Scientists quantified these vibrations and numbered them 1, 2, 3 and so forth. While they were quantifying, they noticed that some things changed their vibration. They looked a little closer and saw that when an electron increased in vibration, the moment it reached "critical mass" the entire electron was pulled up into the higher frequency and nothing could stop it. That "critical mass" was 51%. When 51% of an electron vibrates at a higher frequency, the remaining 49% is instantly absorbed into the new vibration.

***

Simply put, the moment 51% of our energy, vibration and consciousness is in alignment with a particular vision or goal, then we reach "critical mass" and nothing can stop us from changing. Likewise, the moment 51% of us practice this at least 51% of the time, the other 49% of Earth's inhabitants will be unable to stop the positive change and be pulled along with us into a more positive, peaceful way of living on planet Earth.

There is one hitch, though. There's no little vibration meter that lets us know when we are about to reach "critical mass". We could be at 50.9% -- ready to step over the threshold and transcend to a more peaceful state of being -- and not know it! We may be just a breath away from "critical mass" and feel discouraged, depressed and dang-it all what's the use...and give up -- stop working to reach our goals. The only thing for it, then, is to ... this is going to sound trite, but I can't think of another way to say it ... keep on keeping on, no matter what, because we don't know when we'll hit that magical 51%.

And that's it! Expect to be one of the 51% who practice being at peace 51% of the time and you WILL do it -- we will ALL do it. Success is assured!

"The quality of our expectations determines the quality of our actions."
~ Andre Godin

And of course what's good for "all creation" is good for the creators of their own worlds -- writers! Pick your vision, set your goal, seek to make it a part of your thinking at least 51% of the time, and don't give up. Your vision will have no alternative than to materialize.

"The mind is the builder."
~ Deepok Chopra.

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

8. "My Heart is Full . . . "

2005-07-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

. . . that's how many Native Americans express gratitude, instead of the often inadequate words, "Thank you." Not that there is anything "wrong" with saying "Thank you" -- but those two words, while important, often don't say what I really feel when I'm deeply touched by something.

As I type this post one-handed, my precious feline friend, Samantha -- the Queen of the house -- is draped over my left arm, purring away as she repeatedly lifts her head to my lips to be kissed. She is doing so much better -- slowly recouping -- after almost crossing over early last week. In fact, she's feeling so well that she's allowed little 13-week-old Sylvester to climb up and share me with her -- snuggled between Samantha's back and my chin. My arms are full and we are quite the sight . . . and my heart us very full. :-)

Sylvester has a very quiet, loving energy about him -- very evolved for a second density being. His olive green eyes have the knowing look of a long-suffering, little wise man. He is still sick with a respiratory infection -- tho' much better the last few days. At least he no longer has a fever and can get up and about and play some. But he still can't hold his own, yet, against his 11-week-old "little sister" Megan, who's turning out to be quite the hellion. He's starting to gain some of his weight back. That'll help.

We adopted Megan and Sylvester from a cat rescue shelter, Twisted Whisker, about three weeks ago. All of our furry children are rescuees -- each with their own personal horror story of abandonment and abuse. So our family has grown to six: Samantha, the Snowshoe Himalayan Queen; Crystal, the Lhasa-Poo, the sole canine of the family; Sylvester, the black and white tuxedo short hair; Megan, the black, brown, orange and white harlequin-tortie short hair; and the two human caretakers. Samantha needed a kitty-companion to replace the friend she'd lost a few months ago. And WE needed Samantha to have a feline friend. She was driving us nuts with new obsessive-compulsive behaviors -- mostly out of sheer boredom.

A friend told me about a kitten that Twisted Whisker had on the internet. Turned out that kitten wasn't available, but her sister, Maggie, was. OUR plan was to adopt Maggie -- just ONE kitten, mind you -- and bring her home to be Samantha's new forever friend. I said that was OUR plan, right? Silly us to think that the plans of lowly human caretakers would hold any sway against the plans and machinations of two young, but obviously masterful, conspirators like Sylvester and Maggie. Needless to say, we came home with TWO best friends for Samantha. Within a day or two, Maggie let it be known that she didn't like that name -- wouldn't respond to it with even a twitch -- but she responded every time to "Megan", so Megan she became. And it's been a four ring circus ever since. ;-D

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

7. "It's Pretty Clear . . . "

2005-07-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

. . . by now, that I'm having some trouble with this challenge. (See blog entry 4.) I'm not surprised, really -- lot's of people have blogs, but only a small percentage of those I'm familiar with post to their blog everyday. I'm just disappointed.

Of course I have some very reasonable excuses, as well as a couple of honest-to-goodness reasons. I have been nursing two sick kitties. Samantha, my beautiful six-year-old Snowshoe Himalayan, magical muse, familiar and constant, loyal companion became deathly ill this week. It's still not for sure she'll make it. I've also been tending a little 10- week-old kitten, one of the newest members of our family, for the last two weeks. He's finally starting to show signs of recouping, but has a long way to go, yet.

Round the clock "kitty-nursing" has been keeping me distracted and exhausted, along with a new medication of my own that's been making me very drowsy at the darndest times. So, I tend to fall asleep during the rare times I'm able to relax, then miss what's left of my blog posting window for the day.

It's doubly frustrating -- mostly because I'm "messing up" publicly. [sigh] Plus, each day I miss "blogging", is a day added on to the end of the 21-day challenge. Or put another way, each day I miss means I have to start the 21-days over. Depends on how you look at it. Either way, it's not cool. Doesn't do a thing for my ego, either. ;-) Gotta let that go.

Another thing I need to let go of is the self-conscious feeling that I'm being watched. I used to be able to go into the "center" within myself, when I was writing, and ignore all else around me -- real and imagined. I need to relearn that. It's very important. That in itself is worth any amount of embarrassment it takes me to get there.

Just making those observations is real progress. I've already set them on my back burner to mull, stew, simmer percolate -- or whatever it needs to do -- to come up with the best response to those observations.

'Til next time...

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

6. "The MADChallenge & Reading Recommendations"

2005-07-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

MADChallenge is a writing group -- very active, supportive and world wide -- of which I'm a relatively quiet member. They are a fun group whose friendly banter has both amused and taught me much in a short time. One of the things that fascinates me the most about this group is that they are scattered around the world. As usual, there are many of us on the North American continent -- US and Canada. But there are also many located in places like Hawaii, New Zealand, Laos, Sri Lanka, Madagascar, Germany and Finland. Many of them are transplanted North Americans. One or two are transplanted Australians. But some are the "genuine article" living in their native country. I absolutely love the international perspective of the group and their unconditional love and willingness to help each other. Take the best of NaNo (on a much smaller scale, of course) and step it up a notch or three or four -- and do it all year round -- and you'll have a general idea about this writing group. Very cool.

During the month of June, one of our moderators, Kristine, challenged us to a bunch of small challenges, each worth a few points, with the goal of encouraging and improving our writing. There were prizes, too. The first 15 writers to reach 50 points, by June 30th, would receive a copy of James Frey's book Came a Dead Cat. Granted, I'm not usually into the "prize" sort of thing, so the book didn't motivate me one way or another -- but the camaraderie did. One of the easier "challenges" was to recommend our favorite writing books to the group.

At first I couldn't make up my mind which writing books to recommend, especially since some of my recent favorites had already been recommended by group members: King's On Writing, Baty's No Plot, No Problem, Card's Characters & Viewpoint, and Pressfield's The War of Art. I didn't want to do a repeat of other's recommendations, so I decided to wait 'til I could think clear enough to choose some others. Finally, I decided that I wanted to share the writing books that had the most profound effect on me since my head injury in 2000 -- when, for all practical purposes, I had to start my writing over, almost from scratch.

It took a couple of years after the accident to get to the place where I could read a complete book with comprehension, again. Even then, it was slow and piecemeal. But I wanted my writing back, more than any words could express. Writing had been so much a part of my life; it was what I did and so very much a part of who I was and why I was here. I wanted that part of myself back again. I was determined to have it back again -- in some way, shape or form. Paging through these books in preparation for writing this post, I was instantly transported back to not all that long ago, when I struggled to understand and apply what I learned (re-learned) -- especially from the first three books. I see how far I've come -- and how far I have yet to go. I am so grateful that such books came into my life when I needed them most. I recommend the following books, in the order in which I read them. I still refer to them, as they still have much to teach and remind me.

1.) The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear, by Ralph Keyes. (c) 1995. ISBN: 0805031898. This book is full of practical and positive gems that help the writer learn to "capitalize on anxiety, instead of knuckling under to it." Also, in the writer's world her POV/attitude is all important, yet it often takes courage to even take on that attitude, let alone write it. Mr. Keyes helps with that on many different levels. This book is so full of wonderful things that it's hard to choose which ones helped me the most. In leafing through it just now, I've decided to read it again. It will be interesting to see how much more I get out of it, this time through.

2.) Writing the Mind Alive, by Linda Trichter Metcalf and Tobin Simon. (c) 2002. ISBN: 0345438582. This book helps to make writing an everyday 30 minute practice using the unique technique of "proprioceptive writing" to listen to and really hear yourself, then write what you hear, listen to what you write; then ask, "What do I mean by __(whatever it was I just wrote)__?" and write to amplify your thought and express it more accurately, reflecting on it more meaningfully ... then "leading you down a path toward story/narrative." I turned out that this was something that I already knew how to do -- and in fact did naturally in my personal writing before my injury. This book helped remind me how I did it and encouraged me to reconnect with that practice and way of being/thinking/writing. When I first got this book I was not far enough along with my recovery, yet, to do an everyday practice -- I'm just barely able to do it now ... and not very well, at that, as you can see from this blog. What I needed (and received) most from this book was the gift of a constant reminder of how I used to write. It showed me how to do what I used to do instinctively. It gave me the means to begin rebuilding my writing life from scratch. From it I knew that I could and would write again.

3.) Wild Mind, by Natalie Goldberg. (c) 1990. ISBN: 0553347756. This book also helped me make writing an everyday practice, but from a different perspective, using a less structured mindset than Metcalf & Simon's book. Ms. Goldberg sprinkled her book with 36 exercises, many of which she based on 10 minute timed writings. Goldberg's less structured mindset was necessary for me to be able to start writing on my own again. The point was to write and keep on writing...and the rest would follow. The best thing I can say about this book is that it worked -- not the exercises, so much, because I still wasn't there, yet, but ideas and attitudes about writing and the writing life that Ms. Goldberg shared were exactly what I needed at the time and profoundly affecting.

4.) The Writers Guide to Fantasy Literature, ed. by Philip Martin. (c) 2002. ISBN: 0871161958. Last year, I was finally able to dig into books that dealt with my favorite genre, Sci-Fi/Fantasy. Of all the many books on this subject that I read, I recommend this one most highly. It helped me begin to get a handle on the large creative picture that I needed for what was to become my first WiP.

5.) Take Joy: a book for writers, by Jane Yolen. (c) 2003. ISBN: 087116194X. I'm not quite finished with this one, yet. I love it. Every few paragraphs I find myself wanting to write something of my own in response to what Ms. Yolen has shared. My favorite is:

"The Japanese have a word for it: saku-taku-no-ki.
Saku -- the special sound a mother hen makes tapping on an egg with her beak.
Taku -- the sound a chick makes tapping from within.
No-ki -- the moment the tappings come together.
Saku-taku-no-ki -- the instant a chick pecking on the inside and the mother pecking on the outside reach the same spot. The egg cracks open. New life emerges.

In just that way a story begins, with a physical tapping on the outside: a line of a song that won't leave your head, an article in the newspaper that strikes a chord, a fragment of conversation that loops endlessly, a photograph or painting that touches you deeply, a repeating dream. And then the answering emotion that taps within -- sometimes days, weeks, years later. The moment they come together, the story starts." (p. 29)

Write On, Y'all!
Nanette

5. "The Riddle"

2005-07-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

Nanette:
You are the protagonist in your own version of the "Da Vinci Code," except it's been rewritten into an emotionally intense soap opera. Although you must be intellectually savvy in order to get to the bottom of the riddle, the solution won't come with words.
Make use of your high emotional IQ and trust your intuition. Discover the answers not with your head, but within your heart." *

I don't think I've ever received a horoscope quite like this one, before. I've used horoscopes as writing prompts and for plotting and character ideas, at times, but this one's already written as though "The Great Author/Editor of the Universe" emailed me a personal memo. ;-)

OK -- I'll bite. What's "the riddle"? Maybe it's just me, but before I can solve a problem I usually need to know what the problem is, first. I'm just quirky that way. So it seems that I have at least two mysteries here: 1.) what is the riddle? and 2.) what is the solution to the riddle? Of course, that's the minimalist approach, but it'll do for now.

Perhaps I'm a bit handicapped here, because I've not read The Da Vinci Code, yet. I've read and heard what other people think of the book -- in articles, reviews, summaries, critiques, and a couple of TV documentaries -- but haven't checked it out for myself. (I do have a copy on order from the public library, which should be ready for me to pick-up sometime later this week.)

I'm going to put this one on my back burner and let it percolate for a little bit and see what I come up with. It certainly is intriguing. Meanwhile, I'm going to take a break, now, and get ready to go out to the noon matinee showing of "The War of the Worlds". Haven't done anything like that for a l-o-n-g time.

I plan to return here for another blog post, before the day is over, with an update.

'Til then, take care and Write On!
~ Nanette

Notes: Before someone decides to rap my knuckles with a ruler about the "horoscope" bit ... let me say that I don't just automatically swallow "horoscopes" hook, line and sinker. In fact, as a rule, I question the validity of most things like that -- even from those with a history of producing very reputable astrological readings. I take them on a case by case basis and prefer to remain skeptical with each one, until I can verify its validity for me, personally. That doesn't mean that I disapprove of horoscopes or astrology -- just that I'm very careful and test each one. But then, I do that with everything people say is s'posed to be the "guide for my life".

Tarot.com emails me my horoscope each morning. It's free and they're usually fairly accurate, as things like that go in a general sort of way. I find that they often get me thinking about certain aspects of my life -- especially some part of my writing -- and well ... like I said, they're free. ;-)

Enough for the disclaimer. Onward!

* source: http://www.tarot.com/astrology/daily/?4

4. "Yesterday & Today"

2005-07-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

Yesterday (6/30/2005) marked 105 consecutive days of writing for me! It also marked the end of my 5th 21-day personal challenge. Most important, as far as this blog is concerned, is that it marked my commitment to write a post here each and every day for the next 21 consecutive days. In fact, journaling and writing in this blog is my 6th 21-day personal challenge -- "21 days" because it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a new habit.

Today (7/1/2005) I'm so serious about this that I've already submitted the beginning of this post to make sure that it gets dated July 1st! Now how anal is that? LOL. What can I say? In my defense, I have good reason to be concerned about such things, because I have a tendency to forget what I'm doing, get side-tracked on some tangent and totally forget to finish what I started until hours later. Plus, I'm often just plain s-l-o-w.** It's a side-effect of my brain injury (and a major reason why I'm no longer gainfully employed). For some reason, I've been majorly confused much of today. It's been a while since I've experienced this much confusion. Hmmm... maybe some planet has it's shorts in a wad. :wink:

I do have another very practical reason for my concern -- one which has nothing to do with my synapses, but the electrical signals (or lack thereof) elsewhere, namely in my laptop and the internet. Lately, my connection has been a bit schizy and I've lost several things in the process of making posts, etc. So, while I've posted the first part of this entry to make sure of the posting date, I'm taking the precaution of writing the rest of it off-line.

So what have I been doing for the last few months? Hmmm...good question, that. Let's see, I've been very involved in "Sanja's Challenge: Writing 3 hrs/day", since mid-February. When I wrote my first blog entry here on April 8th, I'd just finished my first "21-day personal challenge" and was very excited about the difference it had made in my writing practice. I wasn't writing three hours a day, yet, but I was writing daily. It made such a profound change in my attitude and sense of self that I decided to continue using the 21-day challenges to slowly reconstruct my writing practice -- piece by little piece. When I would try to take too big a step I would know almost immediately -- within a couple of days -- and back off to a more basic, smaller step. It became more important to me to continue my forward progress and positive attitude/ commitment than to make great, immediate strides.

This is what I accomplished in the last few months using the 21-day challenges: The first 21-days, I committed myself to being daily with my writing-related work -- whatever it was. The second 21-days, I concentrated on increasing the amount of time I did writing-related work each day. The third 21-days, I focused more on writing-related work specifically on my WiPs. The fourth 21-days, I worked on regulating my writing schedule. During the fifth 21-days, I maintained & strengthened my focus on my writing while being involved in other wordcount & pagecount oriented challenges. Today, I start my sixth 21-day personal challenge by realigning myself with my basic commitment to writing daily, only this time in a public forum-type situation here in the NaNoPubYe.org Blogs [where this was originally posted].

This sixth 21-day challenge is the scariest for me, because it's public. The others were only as "public" as I allowed them to be, depending upon whether or not I chose to share my goals and progress with others. I did -- but only with a comparatively small number of others. And they only knew what I told them. If I had a problem with something and had to pull back and readjust my sights a little bit, I always let those people know, but they were witnesses after the fact, not of the actual event.

From my point of view, the next 21 days will be a sort of "reality show," with you all as the audience/witnesses to see if I complete the challenge. The major difference is that we can interact with each other. :-)

Of course, there's plenty of room here, if you'd like to join me in doing this challenge. I'm sure the Admin. could scare up a blog for you. Anybody up for a short-run (just 3 weeks) challenge with lots of side benefits??? :-D

See you tomorrow!

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

P.S. - The time stamp on this entry is incorrect. I started this post at about 11:45 p.m. and finally finished it at about 5 a.m.. That's over five hours to write less than 1K! Some days I'm faster, but evidently this wasn't one of them. ;-)

3. "That First Seed"

2005-04-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

Two weeks ago, I responded to "Quanty's" April 4th blog entry with the following comment:

"… I did 50K for 'WriMo and still had another 2/3 of the story to write. Then I did 50 hours of 'EdMo on what I wrote during 'WriMo, hoping it would help get me back to writing the rest of it. It did -- but is also confirmed that I need to rewrite practically the whole thing, if it's going to be done "right".

"… This won't be my first re-write of this book. This isn't the first year that I've worked on it either. [I didn't realize it at first, but] what I wrote during 'WriMo turned out to be a re-write of the very first book I ever wrote, when I was 10 and 11 years old -- 42 years ago! I'm bound and determined I'm going to get the thing written ... and done right! Of course, why it has taken me 42 years is a whole story of its own. One I might write in my blog, soon. (When I get one.)"

Now that I have my blog and taken it for a spin around the block a couple of times to get the feel of it, I figure it's about time I make good on my promise to tell how my WiP, Autobiography of a Dragon: The Life and Lives of a Wanderer (AoD), managed to take 42 years (so far) to get itself written.

The creative seed of AoD started 42 years ago, in a recurring dream I had when I was 10. I call it "recurring", but it was more than that, because it was like an episodic TV show. Each night I'd dream the next episode -- fully characterized and plotted. I awoke each morning recalling that night's episode and was quite taken with an intense desire to write it down. I worked on it for eight months -- until I came home from school one day to find that my mother had burned it. I was forbidden to write anything ever again, except school work and letters -- all of which had to be inspected before it left the house. All paper, pencils and pens had to be accounted for.

Needless to say, that put a bit of a crimp in my growth as a writer -- though I never stopped wanting to write. The trauma of that experience also gave me quite a writer's block whenever I tried to do any creative writing.

When people hear about what happened to my first manuscript, they almost always react with shock and disbelief. Most cannot imagine anyone, let alone a parent, doing something like that to a child. They want to know what kind of a mother would do that to her daughter.

There are no easy answers to their questions. To say the least, growing up with my mother was a "Mommy, Dearest" sort of experience. As a kid, the only explanation I could come up with was that there must be something terribly wrong with me! I believe that the ultimate abuse of a child is not to beat them within an inch of their poor, miserable, little life, or not feed them, or to make them live in constant fear that they are only a breath away from being killed for any reason or no reason at all. The ultimate abuse is to eviscerate their sense of self to the point where they cannot make even the smallest decision by themselves -- let alone pursue any kind of a goal, other than to please their abuser.

Years later, after I had my own children, I asked my mother why she did it. "Why did you burn my manuscript?"

With her usual cold smile she said, "You were always so different. I wanted you to be like me, to be my little girl. But you weren't like me at all. Everything about you was different. You thought differently. I did everything I could think of to change you, so you would be like I wanted you to be, but it didn't work. Even when you did everything I told you to do, I knew you still weren't like me. So I decided to destroy what you did. I couldn't allow you to be so different. I couldn't have something like that around me."

I wasn't as surprised by her answer, as I was by the fact that she actually admitted it! Appalled that she saw nothing wrong with what she'd done and saw no need to make excuses for herself, I said, "You mean, when you realized that you couldn't own my soul, you decided to destroy the light in it?"

She amazed me with another straightforward answer, but she was no longer smiling. "Yes, of course," she said, "That's what you do. You do what you have to, to get things done the way you want them."

"Whatever the cost?" I asked totally incredulous.

"That's what I said. Whatever it takes," she answered.

"Even if it means destroying the very thing you want?!"

She didn't blink or twitch when she said, "I did whatever was necessary to get the job done. You were always so weak -- too sensitive. I tried to make you strong, so you would get along in the world. You never appreciated that. You never changed. You never cared about me and what I wanted."

I could go on, but I think that what I've shared so far is more than enough to give you an idea of the kind of person she was (and still is) -- a sociopath from the very get-go -- a very negative, controlling, toxic personality, at least as far as I was concerned. She obviously did not perceive parenting as love, nurture and caring.

Somewhere in all that emotional trauma I forgot the story. Or so I thought. For almost a year, now, the story has been slowly coming back to me in bits and pieces, along with further "episodes" that I hadn't yet got to before I became "scriptor interruptus".

When asked where the story came from, I say that it all started with a 42-year-old dream. I've written many other stories -- most of which came to me in dreams. But I've not written the book version of any, except this one. This one comes first. It's taken a lot of work to get to this place, but I am determined to write this book -- especially if there was so much light in it that she felt it had to be destroyed. What my mother didn't realize was that she could burn the story written laboriously by a child on notebook paper, but its ashes would cover and bank the coals of a larger, more important story. I am slowly uncovering those coals, blowing on them and rebuilding that fire.

Autobiography of a Dragon, will be written and published. This I know for a certainty. The only question is when, since I'm slower than molasses. In the meantime, I've sharpened its focus (again) and am looking forward to FebNoWriMo as an opportunity to, finally finish the first draft.

Take care, Y'all and… Write On!
~ Nanette

2. "HUP!"

2005-04-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog
site, then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

HUP. It sounds like something an American football quarterback would say, or at least that's what we pretended the quarterback said when we were young kids playing football. It didn't matter what the quarterback said in those little kid games, just so he/she sounded like the grown-ups. "HUP one! HUP two! HUP three! HIKE!"... and everyone would lunge for the poor kid stuck with the ball, who was desperately trying to get as far away as he could. I had no idea what "HUP" meant (if anything) all those 40 some odd years ago. None of us did. The couple times that I asked one of the other kids what HUP meant, they looked at me like I'd blasphemed. I'm not even sure that's what the grown-up football players were actually saying, but there seemed to be a common consensus that it sounded like it.

I know what HUP means, now -- "Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle" -- and it has everything to do with football ... and everything else, for that matter, especially writing. I'm no physicist, but the way I see it, HUP means that everyone and everything in the universe is connected and that just knowing about something affects me as well as what I know, so that nothing and no one remains the same. It means that the only thing we can be certain of is that everything changes. Everything and everybody affects everything and everybody that they come in contact with. No one is immune to this cause and effect scenario. It is never-ending, ad infinitum.

Obviously, if you're hit by an 18-wheel truck, it's going to affect you. You will not remain the same. Even the truck will be affected in some way. And if the skinny little kid, who's tossed the football, turns and sees 200-pound-Bubba lunging at him, it's a sure bet that he's going to head in the opposite direction to save his life! That's HUP working out there where everyone can see it. It's so common that we hardly give it a thought. We just assume that those things will happen.

Then there are the more subtle workings of HUP, which are just as important, if not more so. For instance, my first love, writing -- stories, ideas, facts, opinions, settings, plots, characters, fiction and nonfiction -- HUP with finesse. As Hemingway said:

"A writer's problem ... is always how to write truly and,
having found what is true, to project it in such a way that
it becomes part of the experience of the person who reads it."

I never feel I've done my job as a writer until the reader "gets it". They've been affected by the words to the extent that they no longer see words, but the vision that was in my mind when I wrote them. They hear the voices, see the people, feel the emotions, smell the air, taste the food...and, most important, they understand what I'm trying to communicate. They're "there" and they "get it." It's a kind of telepathy -- my mind to the readers mind, my heart to their heart -- that's not affected by time or space, but words. Words on paper or a computer screen are telepathy in stasis until the moment that they are read and the journey from my mind/heart to theirs is completed. I believe it's HUP with finesse, where neither writer or reader are unaffected. Both are touched by the process and the world is changed bit by little bit.

Yep. HUP. I love it. It's what I do. It's what we all do, one way or another. HUP!

Take care, Ya'll and… Write On!
~ Nanette

1. "Because It's Magic!"

2005-04-08T05:21:00.000-07:00

[Note: This post was originally posted on NaNoPubYe.org 's blog site,
then moved to this site on 8/6/2005.]

"It is quite clear
that there are many,
many mysterious things."
~ Dalai Lama.

I've been away for awhile -- occasionally checking-in to read a few things, here and there -- mostly due to health problems. I've had to keep a fairly low profile, forum-wise if I was going to have any energy to put into writing/editing. I hope I'm back for good, now.

I love the new colors and design for the site. It shows lots of hard work and planning. Most of all, I like these new weblogs! I don't think it was an accident or a coincidence (which I don't believe in, anyway) that I "just happened" to pop in for a look-see the day after the website has a mega-makeover.

I'd been thinking lately that I wanted/needed a "writing home" where I could write a blog to help me "prime the pump" for the work on my two WiPs. I was AMAZED! at the transformation that had come over my old haunt. It made me want to take off my coat, slip off my shoes, kick-back-and-relax and stay a good long while.

Obviously, the forum isn't as active as it once was, but that can grow back. I think the new changes will help to bring back the old members as well as bring in new ones. We'll just have to talk-it-up and spread the news about the wonderful/ positive changes here, now. I can already think of two or three sites I'm going to mention it on.

~~~

I am s-o-o-o-o-o proud of myself for finally figuring out how to upload my own avatar [on my original blog site, NaNoPubYe]. It's not the one I wanted to use the most, but it'll do for now.
That sort of thing didn't used to be a problem for me, until my head injury in May of 2000. An 18-wheeler bullied our little Mustang for it's spot on the road, resulting in my loss of memory and aphasia. I had to relearn reading comprehension, writing composition and a lot of my vocabulary. For the first time in my life, I would get lost while driving cross town -- or while taking a shower, for that matter. There've been times when I didn't know how to get a slice of cheese out of a plastic bag that'd already been open. I've had to relearn my three son's birthdays and my dog's name. And ... I ... am ... so-o-o ... s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w.

They say it takes a minimum of five years after a major brain injury to know how much the person will recoup. Not that they will be recouped within five years, but the greater part of their recovery will have taken place and set the stage/pace for the rest of their life. Like everyone else, I have good days, bad days and fair-to-middlin' days -- but at a slower pace than most everyone else.

In the early 80s, I bought an old off-set printing press for a couple hundred bucks; cleaned it up, replaced a few parts, figured out how it worked and got it up and running. At the time I was homeschooling my three boys, running a food co-op and writing a monthly, statewide newsletter for the grassroots homeschooling organization I'd started. All I wanted the printing press for, was to help me save money putting out the newsletter, brochures and other educational materials. The money saver soon began supporting our family. I even taught my "former beloved" how to run the press, so I could concentrate on the pre- and post-press work. I taught myself how to run a computer so I could do typesetting and desktop publishing, ran the business and kept the books. Now seeing me with just a checkbook is a very scary thing -- a sure recipe for bounced checks, etc.

So, when I say I'm proud of myself for figuring out how to make and upload a little avatar, it's a really big deal for me, now. And even tho' how I did it is very vague and fuzzy in my mind, I'm very grateful.

~~~

Today is the 21st consecutive day that I've done writing related work, without missing a day. I so much wanted to return to my old habit of writing daily, no matter what, like I did before my head injury. I tried and tried, over and over again -- but I just could not maintain my focus from minute-to-minute, let alone day-to-day. Like a child, I would forget what I was doing or get distracted and wander off.

They say that 21-days of practicing something makes it a habit. Well, I think I just crossed that threshold. I almost don't know what to say or think. For the first time in five years I've actually stuck with something long enough to positively impact my life -- especially my writing life! Whahoo! :-)

Again, I am thankful.

I can't remember what you call something that's like a major stage in a person's life ... and a sort of crossroads ... dang! I can't remember the word ... .

Relax...breathe ... step back from wanting it so intensely ... breathe ... let go ... . The word is there, I feel it, almost see it ... . I remember that it's used a lot in the Rune interpretation books. [flipping thru' one of my Rune books] It was something like ... "life passage"... well, sort of, but not quite. I vaguely recall that term I'm looking for was used for ... Ahh! ... There it is! I found it! Woot! "A Rite of Passage". Yes, that's exactly what this feels like -- reviving my beloved habit of daily writing.

Why? Because it's magic!

Take care y'all and...Write On!

~ Nanette